Day 1: Making Decision In Spite Of Resistances

I have come to the point where I see that until now I haven’t been really supporting myself effectively in freeing myself from all that is limiting and holding me in my mind where each day I participate in the same bullshit over and over again. I can see myself repeating endlessly the same patterns never committing myself to sit down with myself and write in specificity what I am experiencing and how can I release myself from these bondages. I have tried many times to force myself to start writing whatever I experience during the day and thus make sense of it where I would see black on white what is actually happening. But so far shortly after I would make this commitment I would fall finding numerous justifications to quit and wait some more. I knew however that the day must come when this bullshit has to stop.

Here within this blog I am making a new commitment by which I will stand and walk through all the resistances as what I have become that will come my way trying to steal the opportunity to finally understand who I am as the mind system robot. Yes I can see that I am actually a robot walking through the day with minimum awareness performing most of the task automatically where sometimes I am not even able to recall what I have done just a moment ago. And that I notice is happening more and more often – so it’s actually a perfect time to start writing and becoming aware of my days that are here and which I have been missing.

There are so many points in my reality that I must deal with and with me not taking responsibility for them they are accumulating and layering within me day by day. So literally there is no better time to do it as to do it right now before I reach a line where I will not be able to see a way out.

So today I am starting a process of writing myself daily for at least 7 years where I will take time to sit down with myself and begin to investigate who I am and how I create reality around me throughout my daily participation, what are major patterns within which I participate and how all that is influencing everyone else in my world and many other points that are relevant for my process.

Day 1

This day I want to look at my decision that I have just made and clear up the resistances I have about writing. I have created within me quite a few ideas about writing and how difficult it is. There is also a lot of comparisons, self-judgments, doubts when it comes to writing. I see other people’s blogs and I see how good they have become through constant application of writing themselves – I find myself unable to stand equal to those writings where I put myself as inferior to them and thus suppressing and doubting myself even more within these self-judgments and fears going deeper and deeper into where I don’t really want to go, so…..

I forgive myself that I haven’t given myself the opportunity to write without comparing my writings to other people’s writings where I would simply start with myself as who I am as my abilities and skills of writing and thus give myself a chance to grow in this process

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the process of self-perfection begins here as who I am right now with all my shit that I exist in and as and not from the point where I am already perfect and faultless – Self-perfection in itself implies that I am not perfect thus I allow myself to not be perfect and walk into perfection without self-judgment

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to exist in hope that things will change by themselves and I will suddenly change and become a new being I have imagined myself to be without walking the actual physical road of self-development through constant and consistent self-application

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I don’t have what it takes to walk my process in absolute constancy and consistency where I believe that I am a subject to external influences that must happen in order for me to start writing and applying myself

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to wait for something bad to happen before I would start writing myself where I correct my reality back to stability instead of writing myself consistently as self-directive movement, meaning that I must be the one to make the decision to write and not outside forces

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to judge my writing and self-forgiveness where I always fear that I am missing something instead of realizing that whatever is missing I will find within writing myself out consistently  where I will perfect myself within learning to see what is here

When and as I see myself participating within thoughts of self-judgment and fear of writing points from my daily reality as I how I see them I Stop – I allow myself to make mistakes and learn from them where I correct myself within realization that this is the only way to learn and grow

Instead of constantly comparing my writing to other people’s writing I look at what I can learn from them, where am I still separate within the abilities and how can I become equal to them

Artwork byAnna Brix Thomsen

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