Day 9: Fear Of Sharing

For a long time I didn’t have internet access here at work (on the platform) and because of that I was feeling very separated/isolated from what is happening in the process. I tried to look for solutions but I wasn’t actually moving myself but existed simply as a whiner with perfect justification not to apply myself. Since I visited Desteni Farm and got some shit sorted out and upon coming back I immediately sorted this limitation and now each day I come after work to an office where I connect my computer and use it till late night. However, since my new privilege, there was a point that was existing in the background of my mind that I was feeding with occasional thoughts and which today yielded the first fruit.

The point of sharing. The fact is that here are some more people that would like to have this privilege and enjoy internet access as I do, however I kept quiet and didn’t tell people about it in fear that I will lose my access or it will be greatly reduced. So from being rather active voice in the campaign to establish internet access for all people on this platform I went into silence. My personal interest was satisfied.

Here is a quote I found to assist me in this:

Life was taken and forged into One law for All equally, which is Equality and Oneness as what is Best for All Life Always. Unless One Individually take this Law and Live it as the Evidence that You Give Life to All Equally Even in a Limited System, You will Never Be Life. How Can one expect to Be Life Eternal if You Cannot Even Give Life to All with you in Limitation when you Are All Equally in Limitation. And as You Give you Will Receive! Give Life to All and you will Receive Life as You Have Given – Equally! –Bernard Poolman

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look only for my own self-interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to claim that I want to give life for all while my actions show a different picture

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that fear is able to exist only where self-interest exists

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the limited system where i believe that only some can have and some cannot because there is not enough and thus within that I hold dearly onto my position as the one who has within the fear that I might become one of those who don’t have

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that all people that have money in their pocket exist within the same pattern where they believe in this limited system and thus will do anything to protect this system and their position within it never giving a second thought about those who are not so lucky, at least not until their luck runs out

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to deny other people having the same access to internet as I have out of my fear to lose it  where I justify my actions as I need it more than they do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within my beLIEfs of limitation where I trusted my mind with its reasoning

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that my reality will not change/expand if I allow my mind to make decisions for me that are based on survival and keeping the status quo just because at the moment all works fine for me, so why challenge the system that “works”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate the process that I am walking from myself here as if it’s something that is happening out there instead of realizing that any change starts with me here in my immediate environment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to claim that I want to help beings that are suffering in faraway corners of the world while I ignore my immediate environment allowing my brothers to suffer silently in their inner mind reality where I do nothing to support them out of fear to lose what I have

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that my support can be brought by simple practical examples and suggestions where I don’t necessarily have to give all the details about the process which possibly could compromise my job position but that I am perfectly able to work on practical support where I share my realizations about the workings of the system and the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it’s either I share all or nothing not realizing that every word I speak is influencing the reality around me and thus I trust myself that I can find words to assist my fellow beings by bringing them closer to understanding about the mind reality where within that they will be able eventually to build their own common sense understanding

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that by giving I receive, by sharing I expand, by showing I learn, by directing I direct myself

I commit to myself to work on my fears and self-doubts in regards to sharing myself to other fellow beings within realization that sharing must be with consideration about the environment I find myself in as well as the beings with whom I am sharing myself where I see exactly where they are within their process and what I can do to remove a stone from their path

I commit myself to become a better observer of myself where every time I catch myself existing in self-interest where I consider only my own process and support that I can get, I correct myself as within the principle of sharing myself with other beings where I look at what I can give

When and as I am faced with my fear of sharing myself I stop and I breathe – I do not allow my mind to make decisions for me but I direct myself according to what’s best for all in this situation

I commit myself to start paying more attention to my fellow beings with whom I spend a lot of time together where I push myself to get to know them intimately and within that see how can I support them as I would like to be supported if I were in their place

Artwork By Ann Van Den Broeck

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