Day 12: Some More Resistance

I started today’s writing and got completely lost in all the dimensions without being able to get anything done. I experience a lot of anger towards myself for being unable to go into the points and write them out. There is this feeling of lostness where I cannot understand where I am going with each sentence that I write. So as a solution to this I will write about that and clear the bondages that I have got myself into.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself being stuck in my mind where I am unable to see clearly what I am doing and where I am going with each word that I write

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write myself based on knowledge and not living statements

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be possessed by fear that I will never brake through this wall of resistance

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that this whole time I was  in my head thinking completely unaware of my breathing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for what I am experiencing instead of realizing my own self-responsibility for everything that goes inside me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use knowledge in trying to solve my resistance instead of realizing that I can only be clear when no thoughts are running in my mind and I slow down to see where I am and what has to be corrected

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that the whole day I was rushing myself by doing task as fast as possible not giving myself a moment to be with myself and I came at the same speed here to write

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my participation in the mind and the experience of rush by telling myself that it doesn’t really matter what I do know because in the evening when I sit down by the computer I will sort it out where i didn’t realize the accumulation effect that my participation in my mind will have

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into panic when things don’t go my way as I have planned

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect from myself extreme improvement in every day’s writing and when I cannot meet my expectation I go into this self-sabotage and resistance to write what’s really bothering me

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to give myself a moment to calm down and see where i really am at the moment and what points need to be investigated

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as if I am losing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self can be lost

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to trust myself that I can find a way out of this mind possession and apply myself effectively

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to take it easy and move with what is here in the moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to panic that I don’t have enough time to slow down as I am already late

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that slowing down is essential in seeing what has to be done in order for me to proceed in my process of writing and self-investigation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself within my writing where I place a specific standard upon my writing and thus if I don’t reach that standard I go into fear and anxiety instead of just writing what I experience without judging my process and within that simply sharing what I am going through as to show the whole picture and the whole journey with all detail and experiences that get in my way as it’s possible that others will go through the same thing when starting their journey of self-exploration

 

Thus I commit myself to stick with my commitment to writing myself no matter what is here and within my writing I seek and find ways to remove any obstacle that is in my way towards freeing myself from the clutches of the mind which I obviously create myself and thus myself can remove them

I commit myself to not give up within my commitment and never lose trust in myself that I will go as far as I have to in order to overcome the obstacles

I commit myself to move slowly in my writings where I do not jump from point to point without making sure that I am clear within my given writing and where I make sure that I can live and apply that which I have written as self-correction

I stop all racing within myself and proceed with specificity of the points I share – within realizing my responsibility in the writings that I share. I make sure that my writing are here to support myself and others and not confuse and misdirect

Artwork byMaya Harel

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