Day 13: Living The Knowledge

 

So I noticed that throughout my life all I did was gathering knowledge and very rarely applying it in my reality. Most of the time throughout my world I kept things for myself just being an observer of reality rather than active participant. I would only share myself with few closest friends and otherwise just be the normal silent me. What that did was that I have internalized the conversation in my head thus developing quite complicated mind network where I can and do get lost sometimes.

Within Desteni there is a saying – Knowledge without application is useless – and that is very true when I look at myself where I gathered extensive knowledge about the functionality of the system and humanity but I did not apply this knowledge in real life – I wasn’t even writing it out where I could actually internalize that knowledge and make it clear for myself where I put all this knowledge in my own words as a statement of actual understanding and where from there I would change and live that knowledge as myself testing it in the real physical world seeing whether it works or not. Instead I accumulated knowledge from different books and articles and eventually I got lost in it not being able to actually be clear on any point or issue because this knowledge wasn’t mine but borrowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gather knowledge from external sources placing all trust in it and not critically investigating it where I would practically test it and see if it’s real or not

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to trust myself and my common sense but I placed all value in knowledge of others assuming that it is real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the knowledge that I liked from the perspective that it sounded good but was actually detrimental to humanity so much that I would convince my friends of its validity so completely that they stood one and equal with me defending it even though it was never real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for influencing other people and their worldview through “selling” them the false information without realizing that they have made the choice themselves as I wouldn’t be able to really influence them if they haven’t have had the inclination towards this type knowledge

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to save and change those whom I have mislead even though they refuse to hear me

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that there is only so much i can do if people are stubborn and refuse to listen to the common sense that is presented to them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I must be a savior where within that I actually go and try to convince them of my truth yet doing it all from the starting point of knowledge that I do not yet life as myself

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that when I am trying to convince someone to apply something that myself yet haven’t applying is me trying to push myself into action by first making others do it within the believe that i will follow

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the follower existing in fear to make my own decisions and change alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone where I try and take others with me in making them actually to apply the knowledge I am presenting first as if to see if it is safe for me to go as well

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a coward hiding behind the backs of others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking complete responsibility for my actions where I push others to make the decision first and see if that worked and if it is safe for me to go as well

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep waiting for all to change before I change instead of standing first in the line and making the decision to change especially after I have seen in common sense that the change is urgent, necessary and inevitable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for manifested consequences as some shit that will force me to change

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to trust myself that I can change myself without any confirmations and appraisal from others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety when I am close to change where within that I go back to the safety of my old self and where I live in regret for not taking the opportunity to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not being able to make the jump within realization that the jump is not really necessary but what is necessary is the construction and design of the bridge across which I could walk in absolute certainty – the bridge is the process of self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application

Here i commit myself to become a designer of bridges and junctions that lead me from the mind consciousness system where i exist as thoughts/ feelings/emotions into the mindless state where I am one and equal to the physical realty from which I come from

I commit myself to walk slowly with total self-trust that this is what has to be done even tough I have no idea what is ahead of me – all I know is that I cannot remain where i am right now as this place is falling apart. I also realize that through walking myself out of the mind I will become much more functional human being that is not led astray by feelings and emotion and thus I will have a chance to play a part in reducing at least some suffering that I see this world is about to enter and is actually already in

I commit myself to move myself slowly but with consistency never allowing the mind to hold me back within realization that time is short and no moment can be wasted – so I wake up every morning with the breath that brings me the realization that is another day where I have to make a difference and change myself, to make each day so that in the evening I would go to bed being calm knowing that this day was not wasted in trivial matters

I commit myself to keep myself awake until I am clear within myself where I do not leave any luggage for tomorrow as I know within myself that getting up in the morning with luggage is very hard and thus I make this journey for myself as painless as possible

I realize that some discomfort and pain within this process is inevitable because of the extreme bullshit that we have allowed and accepted through many years in participating in this abusive system – where we disregarded completely the physical reality by fucking it as hard as possible to get energy to fuel our mind bubbles – thus I realize that earth, as clearly seen by my physical eyes, is in pain and when I go out of my mind equalizing to the physical I will feel the pain that the earth feels – and I will use this pain as fire to drive me even more harder towards working on the practical solutions – like Equal Money where we can stop the abuse and start healing this physical reality/our bodies that we neglected for so long in the name of energy

Artwork By Ann Van Den Broeck

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