Day 16: Am I only a Picture?

Next point of investigation is PICTURES. Pictures are so all encompassing in my life – it’s my whole world and I am also just a picture in it – existing in constant comparison with other pictures, liking and disliking certain pictures while some are irrelevant, some pictures give me a smile and some make me sad, some make me horny and some make to become disgusted, some pictures I want to see again and some are hidden to be avoided, some pictures bring past memories and some make me think about future, some pictures are sticky where they exactly reveal my true desires while others just pass without notice, some I consider more than me while others less  – it’s all about pictures pictures pictures.

I will start my investigation from myself where I will look how through time I have defined myself as a picture and what experiences, believes, ideas I hold around My picture. I am the one who created myself as picture, who filled, painted and outlined it – so I must be the one to undo it and thus remove the limited definition that separates myself from all that is here as the equal substance.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to only a picture that I perceive myself to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit all others as I limit myself to only pictures where I completely miss the beingness behind the picture

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be preoccupied with the picture as who I believe I am and who I believe others are not realizing that I am distracting myself from what is happening behind the scene where all decision are made, from where the act of picture puppets is directed and where I am as well directing the “play” yet I refuse to see that as I am too preoccupied with watching the puppet show

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to realize that the pictures within this world are manipulated and thus do not represent what is actually here behind the presentation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the pictures are real not realizing it’s just a distraction and a tool to keep me preoccupied by triggering within me reactions as feeling and emotions where within that I cover myself with more energetically created layers of distraction as comparisons/desires/jealousy/wants/needs towards the pictures that I see and from here seeing the reality is even more difficult

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have/live the best picture where I create desires towards it completely and absolutely missing the point where I have no clue how some of the pictures that I see and desire came into being– for example walking in the supermarket I see some gadget that I like and thus desire it to have for myself but I am completely unaware that this gadget might have come from child labor in china – which is very probable and thus I support each time this system that allows such atrocities

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to totally and completely abdicate my responsibility and give full trust to others like politicians, various agencies and organizations which I believe are doing their work in making sure that our system functions properly according to the agreed rules where they protect the rights of people

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that within myself i always have seen the abuse and corrupt system but simply justified the system within the believe that all is ok because I was ok and had some money to spend to buy clothes, food, had a roof over my head and was able to even satisfy my desires – so yes from my perspective the system was ok

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in fear of losing what I had thus never stood up to “shake the boat” within the believe that I am nothing in this existence not realizing that it’s exactly what those in control want me and all others to believe

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that indeed I am nothing until I allow myself to participate and “play” around with pictures in my head completely making myself blind and distracted from being able to see what is happening and thus become a participant in this reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give power to the pictures where I believe that certain pictures are just too powerful for me to let go, like pictures of sexual nature, not realizing that it is my perfect justification to postpone my realization that I have means and responsibility to stand up for myself and those that do not have means to do it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my non-participation within reality as responsible being by claiming that I have tried to stop picture reality within myself and go beyond but I failed and so I use failure as a justification to remain where I am instead of becoming practical being where I organize and structure the real path, where I construct a practical bridge for myself through which I can walk out of the mind reality into the actual reality which involves writing my patterns of how i exist as the picture presentation of myself, write out my automated relationship with other pictures ad within that understand how it all functions and how I have to correct and redesign these relationships into that which would support all being in existence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give more value to the picture of me as who I believe I am and other pictures as who I believe this world is instead of valuing life as the equal essence as the source from which everything is created which means that we are all one and equal in essence and the separation that we experience is just an illusion perpetuated by the mind energy as thoughts/believes/ideas/fantasies/assumptions/perceptions/ideals etc. that we acquired and learned in this world from those who have gone before us and that we accepted as undeniable truth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold my past as more than me and thus feel powerless in the face of it without realizing that it’s just my memories as pictures and experiences that are keeping me stuck in the past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there is no way I would be able to function without having my memories to guide me and pictures to define my reality even though I have already seen that whenever I stopped something I really believed in and defined myself by – I always remained here and I became more than I was before because the very believe and definition was limiting me – as if saying you are this and that, which automatically implies gazillion things which I am not

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that everything that exists here is me and the only thing that does not allow me to see and realize that is my preoccupation with pictures where I don’t see the interconnectedness of everything and everyone beyond the pictures

 

Thus I commit myself to investigate how I exist in my world as a picture presentation of myself and what desires wants and needs I still have that preoccupy my conscious mind to not see the reality beyond pictures

I commit myself to practice breathing where within that I slowly become aware of how I participate in my mind and how I keep limiting myself through thoughts that run in my mind constantly defining my reality so that I would feel “safe” and “in control”

I commit myself in finding ways how I can release myself from the believe that I need my mind to exist and function in my reality where I prove to myself slowly but surely that breath is the only thing I need to be here

I commit to myself to only start considering the practical aspects of participation in this world where I let go of my preoccupation in my mind with unnecessary thoughts based on fears and desires

Artwork by Rozelle Destonian De Lange

 

 

 

Extremely supportive articles on relationship formation: Failed Relationships; Do you Love Breakups?

For more support on personal questions visit Desteni Forum

For stuctured support with personal Buddies that will guide you into becoming the best you can be within your relationship with yourself and another sign for the Agreement Course

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