Day 19: Getting off the Clouds

 

I had an experience today where I judged another person for their actions with disapproval. After the interaction I was left with the feeling of heaviness where I wasn’t sure if what I did is right or wrong. I mean there was a reaction – that in itself is an indication that the interaction was energy based indicating mind participation. I couldn’t place a finger at the point exactly to name the game, so I used muscle communication to find a word that I could start my investigation with. So the word that came up is:

Charlatan: – someone who pretends to have special skills or knowledge to show disapproval

So that was quite specific, just again proving the beauty of utilizing muscle testing for self-support.

Seeing this word I realize that it’s definitely time for some self-honesty which will serve me well in bringing myself back to the ground from the illusionary cloud of grandeur that I created for myself through judging others and uplifting myself. Since starting the writing process I slowly but surely started increasing the value of myself, I used it as one point to define myself and did not consider the rest.

So I mean that’s cool, I managed to stay consistent in writing daily, but it is much more important to realize and understand that “what I do does not determine who I am”. That means that I can write nice sentences and be very cool with placing words and pretending as if I am really changing, but it’s much more important to see who I am in relation to these words, do I stand equal to what I write? Do I live my writing or am I just fooling and fucking myself empowering myself only as ego? The latter could very much be defined as a Charlatan.

Through these days of writing myself I noticed a peculiar thing – in the beginning when I just started writing I did it more for myself and after each writing I could feel a slight opening within myself where I saw quite clearly my current fuckupness. However I found that my realizations and ability to become open with myself started to diminish with each blog, yet the writing itself as the outer presentation was slightly improving. I was even praised for one of the blogs which I considered to be of the least value as there was no me in it, no living words, it was purely knowledge that I placed in a nice way. There was even a moment where I stopped myself when receiving the praise and thought whether I should mention that this blog has no living words in it but pure knowledge. I decided to remain silent as the conversation moved on to a different topic – so that is real shit as I see it now, because what happens is that by pretending to be someone I am not I create a gap between what is here as me and that illusionary self-presentation. That gives a wrong impression on other people and thus it is possible that a lot of unnecessary consequences may play out as the communication that flows from this point is not in alignment with what is here.

So here comes in my self-honesty to stop bullshitting myself and get real. Sure I cannot and will not allow any self-judgment as this is exactly what stopped me from writing in the past where within seeing how my ego is jumping in and taking whatever it can for own benefit I simply stopped myself from doing anything justifying that I do not want to do any harm. However this has led me nowhere as I wasn’t giving myself a chance to correct myself within realization that it’s alright to make mistakes as long as I am willing to learn the lessons and move on.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to change another through my idea of what process is and how it must be walked

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make assumptions when communicating with another and create energetic reactions based on these assumptions where I do not consider what implications my words may have on another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within conversation based on ideas and assumptions where I am not aware what I am actually creating instead of committing myself to actually investigate the total situation and only then present my viewpoint based on what’s best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak from energetic reaction not realizing that this indicates that I am not clear within myself about the point and thus I have to stop myself from further communication and do the necessary investigation within myself and also collect other relevant information to be able to participate in clarity where I make sure that my participation reflects in all ways the principle of acting only in ways that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider only my own idea of reality when communicating with another instead of asking questions to improve my understanding about another’s position thus equalizing myself to the whole event or situation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a charlatan pretending to know what’s best for another person without any real understanding as clearly shown within my energetic reaction instead of breathing in the moment of communication and asking questions to improve my understanding about the actions where the main emphasis is within seeing the starting point of all my actions as well as another’s – to make sure that all actions and their consequences are within consideration of all reality

Self-forgiveness on writing and my definition in regards to it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea of who I am based on what I do

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I can write and post and share thousands of articles and books yet if there is no actual change and no living application of what I speak and write it’s all useless and thus I have to start all over again within realization that my writing must reflect specifically who I am and define in utmost detail how I should practically correct myself to become a better being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss the point of writing where the primary consideration should be self-honesty and not just to get it done and move on

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that by writing dead knowledge with only hope that someday I will live it I am not fooling anyone but myself where eventually I will have to rewrite everything within realization that that I have committed to writing for my own support

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that through self-dishonest writing I am separating myself further and further from who I am currently into an idea of myself thus losing the touch with the physical reality of myself also losing all self-directive control because I don’t really know who I am and what are my capabilities in this space and time

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stop myself in the moment when I saw what I was doing by going further away from my self-honesty and correct myself by bringing myself back here and realign my starting point back to myself – I am doing this for myself and I am responsible for who I am in each moment and what I do does not prove anything about who I am

 

Thus I commit myself to stop myself whenever I see that I am going into separation from my physical reality into mind projections and ideas about myself – where I self-honestly admit to myself that I fucked myself and now have to go back and redo all the fuckups and do this every time until I realize that there are no shortcuts

I commit myself to write only livable/practical solutions for myself so that I do not create the gaps of delusion which are impossible to be fulfilled

I commit myself to not write in self-honesty as what is actually here as myself and stop myself immediately when I see that I am feeding my ego through writing words that uplift me by making me feel better about myself as if I have achieved something where in fact I am diminishing myself by creating time loops where I will inevitably will experience the down fall

 

I commit myself to stop my ideas and assumptions about other beings and their processes within realization that my focus should be on myself first and only when I have walked in complete clarity certain point can I suggest and support another based on what I have walked myself

I commit myself to do research before involving myself into debating certain point or if that is not possible in the moment then i only proceed with realization that I don’t know about the point that is presented and therefore I am here collecting all necessary information that allows me to act in absolute clarity

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Artwork by Ann Van Den Broeck

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s