Day 20: Echo of the Past

I have this fear of making phone calls, especially to agencies/companies requesting information or anything of that matter. While being here with other people and seeing how comfortable they are within this point and seeing how much extra work I have to do to compensate for this self-imposed limitation I decided within me that I have to change. I mean it’s plain bullshit to exist in this fear and I mean when I actually push myself to make phone calls and when I communicate everything is just fine. Still I have to be aware of this pattern as somehow I keep slipping into the alternatives subconsciously avoiding making bloody phone calls. I usually write letters or try to find answers myself on company’s webpage etc. Today, when I was within one of these scenarios, I kept looking for a long time for the answer to my question not being able to find anything I got pissed off and simply called the company to enquire – so I got my answer in a matter of seconds. It’s amazing how some patterns are lived as a habit just because of some distant echoes of the past which are not in any way relevant in today’s world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my past without awareness of current moment instead of participating and being here in each new moment of my life where I walk into each moment anew considering all relevant points and my actions within that moment

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I am not here in the moment it is my mind who is in control and it acts automatically based on my limited  preprogramming that I have accepted throughout my life

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to question each action that I live in my reality within consideration whether my actions are self-directed or is it just automated behavior from the past

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, understand and realize that this is exactly what we as humans are doing where we live the past within the believe that those that went before us have laid effective ways to deal with our reality when evidence clearly shows that what we are left with is destructive ways of being thus we require our critical reconsideration of everything we do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be just another human robot who abdicates all trust to the mind as the directive principle of my life where I make decisions based on the knowledge and information that I have learned from those that went before me without questioning the validity of this knowledge even in the face of what this knowledge has produced as this current world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk blindly in this world where I simply accepted the current way as the only way where within that I walk my small/personal way within the big way trying to make the best of it without realizing that walking my small/personal way I support the big way as this world system to remain as it is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear walking out of my way as preprogrammed path that’s laid before me because then I go “against” the system as  it is designed for each to walk their own way to make it work not realizing that by making this system work by me walking my own way I support this system and thus I am responsible for all the consequences that this system produces

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  fear the responsibility that I see comes together with my decision to walk another path outside the accepted preprogrammed path

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that this preprogrammed path is leading me straight into oblivion as it is where this whole system is going through complete ignorance of the physical reality – the one thing that makes life on earth possible

I commit myself to step out of the preprogrammed path and walk a new path where I make my own decisions within awareness and consideration of all that is here on this planet earth together with me as I understand that the preprogrammed path is totally based on separation and self-interest which is slowly killing all life

I commit myself to slow myself down within my daily participation as I see that when I move fast I automatically jump into my automated behavior patterns and I act without consideration of all that is here

I commit myself to search and investigate a new way for each old way where I expose the old way as destructive as it really is and within that I search for methods of how to introduce the new way by presenting common sense and showing how the new way will lead us into a more fulfilled and dignified live for all

Artwork byLes Deathster

Desteni Website

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