Day 21: Why I Am So Slow With My Studies

Last September I began my studies at the college of Homeopathy and now I find myself a little bit relaxed so to speak within my commitment to be effective within my studies. I am moving way to slow if I want to finish the school within this lifetime. The school in itself is not binding anyone or implementing any deadlines for the assignments to be submitted, so everybody walks on his own pace having total responsibility for self-movement. So that’s where I find the difficulty for myself because my whole life within educations systems I always existed within certain boundaries, always had deadlines that I had to meet where other people where telling me what to do and when it has to be done. This time I am on my own facing and walking my true reality of myself where I can see who I am when there is no outside motivation to move me, there is no stimulus which I could follow. There is actually a stimulus, which is to become financially stable having a job as homeopathic practitioner and where I could stop my current slave job. But that apparently is not very strong as my current movement with studies show.

I also started questioning myself about my starting point of beginning the studies in general – I mean I looked at this education firstly as something that I could do having had some medical exposure within my family and secondly as it is something that is Life supportive and where after I am done with the studies I can work without having to compromise myself like at my current job where I am forced to do something that I know is not benefiting planet earth, actually I know that it’s quite the opposite, but still I do it as I have to ensure my survival. I mean Homeopathy presents a way to assist and support humans in their suffering as well as it can be utilized for the treatment of animals and plant support.

So the reasons to pursue the career are really good here – thus I really ask myself the question why the hell I am postponing and delaying this wonderful opportunity to make something more of myself within this life, why do I continue the limitation and acceptance of my current situation when having the possibility and ability to change? I mean everything is here to walk the path – i have perfectly laid out the path for myself regarding financial stability, accommodation, time availability etc. There is literally no valid excuse. So the WTF? Because obviously it can only be some mindfuck standing in my way.

Actually I can see one point that could have been valid in a way but now since I started the 7 year Journey it is out of the way. It’s like my first and foremost priority was the application of myself within writing and thus investigation of the foundation of myself as how I really exist and who I really am. Without working on these points first and foremost I perceived that studying and becoming something is useless as I would most likely build myself on a wrong foundation so to speak.

However it’s not really relevant as I see now, because regardless of my real understanding I still have to learn certain specific knowledge and information that is required to be able to graduate the school and I could have perfectly done that in the meantime. Either way all past regrets aside and its time to make sure that I lay for myself effective correction in order to start moving myself consistently towards a better version of me.

And there is another point I see now – my fear/resistance of communication/expansion in my reality where I have to interact with various people. Most of my life I have been an introvert and haven’t gone much outside of my known circle of people. Thus this career would mean that I have to actually start expanding myself and actually start to communicate with people and see their problems and take responsibility in dealing with them. This means the end of my accepted limitation of just communicating with a few people in my reality and the end of my accepted lifestyle where I am still hiding within my points of entertainment and satisfaction. I will have to actually go out there and become available and take full responsibility for my life and lives of others. Here I will have to become an example of healthy lifestyle and clarity of understanding what it means to live disease free.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste my time as if I live forever not realizing that there is a line when it’s too late

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be more concerned with self-entertainment rather than walking the path of self-education, self-improvement, self-betterment which is already laid for me and all that is left is to walk it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take conditions of my life for granted where I do not take a moment to stop myself and look at life circumstances that majority of humans walk daily as an indirect consequence of my acceptances and allowances

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist doing simple exercises required for my studies that are actually easy and fun to do when I stop my thoughts of self-sabotage

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a feeling of overwhelmingness when sometimes looking at the whole material that I will have to walk within my studies not realizing that it’s impossible to know all at once and that this has to be walked in space time breath by breath – learning, writing and applying the knowledge consistently

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I won’t be able to do it because I don’t see myself finishing it in the future not realizing that I don’t need that seeing as the seeing as a vision of self in the future and is based more on preprogrammed design where I could already see what’s ahead for me  – here I am walking a path of life where I step aside from the programmed path within realization that what this world is as it is predetermined is not what is best for all and thus needs intervention as people that are willing to walk a different path – a path that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing my lifestyle where pursuing my career means that I have to end my accepted limitations of communication and interactions with other people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not good enough to become a practitioner because I am too limited within my expression of communication and interaction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my reality to only few people to whom I communicate not pushing myself to expand and grow within my circle of people I communicate and interact with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone doing what I know I will have to eventually do but I give myself more time to keep my known limited existence where I perceive myself to be safe and in control

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have a choice to remain within my limitation as the mind where I miss the obvious realization that this is not me as who I really am – i keep my separation only through thinking myself into this limitation where I believe that this is who I am  but that is only based on energy and my choice to remain defined as it – the choice can only be here until energy is here – when energy runs out I will either way lose my limitation – yet I have a choice to stop myself before I as existence force myself to stop and better do it within self-directive way within realization that this is more gentle way to go

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait until it gets worse until I move myself instead of using this wonderful opportunity where there is still some stability existent in this  world and do what I still can to bring myself closer to the inevitable death of the mind and at the same time show others how to do it in the most gentle and quick way so that we can proceed to a world where life is born

I commit myself to expand myself within communication in my reality where I move within lines of my new career teaching myself how to effectively interact with people where I find the necessary information for what my work requires to be able to assist them– this means finding all the info about people’s problems and that means making people talk about what they resist talking about

I commit myself to teach myself effective communication skill with another where I learn how to actually listen and hear another and how to earn their trust so that I could assist them effectively

I commit myself to treat all people as I would like to be treated – do whatever is necessary to assist them in bringing them back to a state where they can function normally and within that I teach how to respect their physical bodies as it is the single most important thing in the world that makes all our experiences possible

I commit myself to find time each day to study some material in the line of my study of homeopathy so that i would accumulate the necessary knowledge to develop myself as a good specialist that can actually assist people with their problems

I commit myself to find a bridge connecting homeopathy with Desteni material thus improving the principles upon which homeopathy can bring most benefit to humanity and other forms of life

Artwork by Gabriel Aceves Higareda

Supportive interviews and articles:

Articles by Malin –

Day 2. I Make School Into Hell; 

2012: Living With the Word School


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One comment on “Day 21: Why I Am So Slow With My Studies

  1. […] I commit myself to treat all people as I would like to be treated NEW […]

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