Day 23: Fighting for Limitation

I have this persistent background chat running within me for which I have not yet taken responsibility and kind of let it slip my attention. It’s when I hear and see people having done something that is met with approval by others. In this moment I start comparing myself to this person where within that I desire to be in their position and get that praise. I start thinking why I wasn’t the one that came up with this idea and then imagine a little scenario where I am the ONE with the idea. I imagine people’s reactions towards me – cool man; oh cool, yes cool, very nice etc.

So this is a very nasty pattern where within that I even despise the ones who are acknowledge for their input where I desire that the situation/improvement wouldn’t have come about because then I wouldn’t have to feel inferior and less than them. I immediately go into inferiority trying to see what whether there is something that I can praise myself for something that I have done.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be the ONE that comes with all good ideas and gets all the praise

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to people that make improvements where I go into inferiority and wish that there was improvement done in the first place

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly exist within the comparison towards others were I define myself as either better or worse, winner or loser where I seek positive feedback  to acknowledge my existence as ego

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that my starting point of participation is ego that is based on energetic experiences constantly seeking reward for all my actions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dependent on energy to sustain my ego without realizing that I am not my ego and I do not require energy to exist

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that I am a rotten human being that looks at life only from the perspective of what I can get from it not realizing that my acceptance of this way of functioning has produced a world that we find ourselves in where everyone exist within separation and self-interest – only taking and taking never asking self but what I can give or contribute to make this world a better place

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from all beings into my ego where my ego is all my world and reality never considering who I am actually beyond my ego personality

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I am not alone in this place and that I have to consider all being on this earth because we are all here creating together and we actually have an impact with our actions on each other – so common sensically if all act only in their best self-interest then the outcome will certainly be destructive for most beings, especially animals, nature that do not have self-interest and exist here unconditionally supporting all life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to keep my ego as it gives me a few feel good experiences from time to time which I cherish and crave for without realizing that this never lasts and that it has consequence for me and others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that some parts of ego are good not realizing that all experiences that I deem as good are only one side of the polarity thus if I am holding onto positive experiences I also hold the negative in place – thus existing in constant cycling between good and bad believing that this is what life is

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see how really limited my ego is where each day same thoughts go over and over in the same cycles that is driving me crazy and then make me happy, crazy and happy – but I do not notice much the bad part as I like to hold on to only the good parts and thus I ignore the totality of my accepted existence

All I have to do is stop myself for a moment and see my whole life and what I am actually allowing to exist, how limited I really am in my understanding about what is here as all parts of existence and within that seeing I correct myself to stop my limitation and start expanding myself where I get to know more and more about myself as the physical reality as who i am one and equal to as my physical body without mind as this constant thinking to keep me in separation from that great existence beyond thoughts, feelings and emotions

When and as I see myself fighting for my limitation by being spiteful towards people that are finding ways how to bring awareness to all of humanity about the problems we face – I stop myself I breathe and I realize that these thoughts coming up is not who I am and I will not accept and allow this to exist within me any longer but I look and see how I can add/contribute to the solutions by working together with those that already have made self-directive moves in making this reality a better place for all

When and as I see myself comparing myself to other people i look where I am not standing equal to them – why I am jealous towards them, what specific part of them make jealous and within that I simply make a point within myself to develop that part within myself so that I could stand equal to it – but not as an ego to get approval or appraisal but to simply make myself more effective being – where my basic principle of living is that which is best for all

I commit myself to walk the self-correction by investigating myself and seeing where I am not yet effective within myself within realizing that these parts of me are crying for attention – as proven through the act of comparison – and within that I make practical steps of how to improve myself within these specific points to stop all comparison and live as equal in bringing the solution that is best for all

 

Artwork by Talamon Joseph Berta

For more support

Day 18: Dementia – The Rotten Child Syndrome

Day 19 – Rotten Love

Day 20: Rotten Souls

Day 21: Success and Reward

 

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