Day 41: Seeking Appreciation

 

Expecting appreciation from people when doing something for them. I have been fighting this point and even believed that I am over it however in subtle moments I catch myself expecting/desiring/feeding of the appreciation from others. My fight was were within the moment when I am about to do something for another I project myself into that future moment and where I tell myself that  it doesn’t matter to me how the person reacts, no matter what is the outcome I remain here stable in my breath. But still when the moment comes I wait within myself for these “magic words” from another that will express the appreciation for what I have done and within that I experience a good feeling.

I have been trained to do that since early childhood where all my “good” actions, actions that my parents wanted me to perform, were rewarded with appreciation in the form of nice words or better with some sweets for which by the way I was always ready to go a longer way.  So in that way I was programed to always seek some reward/appreciation within my actions, where my actions were never unconditional but with constant calculation of what’s in it for me. That’s how most parents stimulate desired behavior from their children not realizing the long term consequences of such actions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect appreciation for my actions where each time before I do something I calculate in my mind what I could possibly gain

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live a life where all my actions were calculated so that I would always get some positive outcome

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the one who always wants appreciation from others where within that after doing something for another I would immediately leave so that I would not get appreciation from another yet not realizing that within that I was creating another level of delusional self-appreciation where in my mind I was projecting a scenario of how the person will be grateful when he finds out how generous/good I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed of the energy of being appreciated by another where after receiving appreciation I feel good about myself and then seek the same appreciation again and again becoming completely addicted and limited to only actions where I can be appreciated

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid doing actions/facing issues where I know that the reaction of another will be negative even when these issues have to be addressed for the well being of all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “wash my hands off” when  faced with a potential conflict situation that needs to be addressed because I cannot see how I can benefit within participating in this situation where within that I justify that there are others who are much better at dealing with these specific issues

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to relegate most actions that come into my reality to other people after seeing/predicting that within these actions there is no reward for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself only towards experiences that promise me some positive outcome/reward instead of moving myself according to the principle of life acting in ways that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that by getting appreciation from others I am becoming a better person where in most cases I actually compromise myself in my actions where I shape and mold my behavior to get a desired response from another thus diminishing myself and the unconditional self-expression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when each human being exists like I do by acting only based on self reward we, together, create a world that does not care about another but only self-experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be blinded by the energy I get from self rewards and appreciations of others where I do not see the consequences of existing in this way where nobody cares about the interest of those who have no chance to stand for themselves within this system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate people in ways to get appreciation where I basically impose my desired reality onto what is here

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to become a real being where in each moment I stand stable within me and act according what is here in my environment where I actually do have the ability to see my environment for what it is instead of imposing my desired idea n it just to get appreciation and a good feeling

 

When and as I see myself wanting and desiring appreciation from another I stop and I breathe, I realize that I am self-appreciation within my every action that stands for the betterment of life on earth

I commit myself to stop within myself any reward/appreciation based behavior and start acting/moving myself according to the principle of life doing what’s best for all

I commit myself to show the parents the harmfulness of currently accepted and allowed way of bringing up children where the behavior of the child is constantly stimulated though appreciation and reward and I will show that the only valid way is to bring up a child with him having a strong principle, understanding of what life here on earth is and that we each must give to each other equally because we are all actually one and equal

I commit myself to creating a new money system within which parents will have sufficient time to stay home with their children and educate them properly about what life is and how we can contribute to the betterment of life

I commit myself to educating future parents so that before having a child they understand the responsibility that having a child entails and that they understand how to shape a child so that he will value life and where from such parents a new way of life will emerge, a new society that is sound and healthy as each considers each other

 

Read the series on How rotten people roam this earth:

Dementia – The Rotten Child Syndrome

Rotten Love

Rotten Souls

Success and Reward

Very supportive Video on the Issue of being appreciated

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One comment on “Day 41: Seeking Appreciation

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