Day 51: The Atmosphere of Love

More on love. How we use love to cover up who we are. The smiles, the beautiful words, benign actions, good intent are all cover ups for the reality of ourselves. I see I have been using that a lot within everyday communication where instead of equalizing my inner and outer expression of myself I would cover up my inner reality with this form of, I suppose we can call it, love. Throughout my life participating in this system I have become rather efficient in manipulating people’s behavior where I learned how different words, sentences, body language can trigger different reactions within people. So within that I would always shape my experiences with other people in a way that I like – in a way where there is no conflict, no rivalry, no anger but only good atmosphere, not realizing that what I am actually conditioning myself to become is at-most-fear. Meaning I existed in fear to be found out what I am actually thinking within myself about other people, I feared to expose myself how I judge others, what is my real mind. So love as all these nice and beautiful presentations is a perfect method to remain in fear of self, pretending to be all right and ok. Love is like a sweet blanket covering the bitter truth of ourselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my thoughts and within that fear hide them by presenting a different picture of myself – a lovely picture

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a cover up story can delete the truth of me

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to get to know myself and investigate my thoughts and their origins so that there would be no separation and no fear

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I only fear something that I do not know thus if I become intimate with myself as all my thoughts, my feelings, my emotions I will remove the fear and enable myself to see directly and be the director of my life whereas now I am less than my thoughts, afraid of them and allowing them to direct my living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in this at-most-fear (atmosphere) where I am a slave to my own thoughts

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that we as all humanity together exist in and as this atmosphere, an utmost fear – each hiding and protecting ourselves from each other, because we all know how evil we actually are inside

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the lie of pretension as this lovely blanket covering the reality of me will conquer my evilness and thus I will not have to face myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my thoughts towards others not realizing that if I cannot speak them out as myself it means I don’t really believe in these justifications

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to really investigate my inner reality where I could actually find a way to correct myself and my expression towards another where I don’t have to pretend anymore and use lies

 

I commit myself to close the gap between my inner reality and my outer expression where I don’t have to use the lies anymore to present myself in some way but be a real being speaking and acting as one whole as who I as an example of standing up and taking self-responsibility for all my creation

I commit myself to investigate my secret inner reality so that I would understand how I have become who I am where in this way I would enable myself to change in a way where I can stand in front of another and be real within and without

I commit myself to utilize self-forgiveness and  self-corrective application to investigate every reaction ant thought that comes up inside of me in relation to others  or in relation to myself as well – where I could stand without shame or fear in everything I do

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