Day 52: Can I run away from myself?

 

I have to go, I have to leave and move on to the next phase. That’s a statement/pattern I lived for the most of my life. I was in constant search for a place where “grass is greener”. After many years of wandering I realized one thing, that no matter where I go I manifest the same structure around me as who I am, as what I accept and allow existing as my world. So the initial place from which I wanted to flee was my home where I was born and grew up, I was tired of the same people, the same conversations, same patterns playing out. So after I would leave everything behind and move to a new place initially I would experience myself as a clean slate so to speak where I believed that here I can actually make a new start, however in time slowly but surely I would begin to notice the same patterns emerging around me, in the people that would surround me I would start to notice the same qualities as in the ones I left behind. Many times I could even pin point exactly which new being in my new environment represented which being in my old place. It was really interesting to see how my mind structure was manifesting the same known existence around me. So it took me a while to realize that changing the outer without the inner change is rather pointless and vice versa.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep running away from myself within the believe that the place I am in determines who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the people around me determine who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that going away from my life I will delete my past without realizing that it’s impossible to create myself as a new being when leaving my past behind because I have not understood who I really am as my past, how did I create myself as my past and I thus have no clue how can I create myself as a new being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give away all my responsibility to the outside higher forces which I believed exist and will guide me in my transformation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place trust in knowledge and information that I gathered from books and other beings in this world without any significant prove that what they are saying is real and yet I still placed myself completely under their guidance

I forgive myself that I haven’t  accepted and allowed myself to realize that there is such a thing as common sense and that I can use it to determine what is real in this reality and what is just an illusion created by the mind

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to develop critical thinking and question the knowledge and information within this reality but instead I became a blind follower of those who seemed to have found the answers

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for myself in all the wrong places instead stopping and realizing that I am here as my thoughts/feelings/emotions as what I have accepted and allowed myself to become

I commit myself to stop running from myself and searching from myself outside of myself

I commit myself to expose the idea of searching for self somewhere out there so that beings would get an opportunity to get back to earth and sort themselves and this earth out

I commit myself to establish self-intimacy with myself by utilizing the tools of self-forgiveness and self-corrective application thus stopping and removing the fear of facing self

 

Read for further support:

Day 16: Who am I

Day 17: Who am I – Self Forgiveness statements

Osho – I am the living word in every moment

 

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