Day 54: Justifying Addictions

I watched today a YouTube clip about a serial killer Ted Bundy. The interview was done in 1989 just before his death sentence. In this video, having no more reason to hide anything, he spoke in detail about his life experience where he was looking in self-honestly at the events of his life trying to understand why he became what he became. To make the story short he mentioned a few points that were the biggest contributors in production of the monster that he has become. One was pornography to which he was exposed rather early in his life – where within that he explained how it was all escalating slowly from viewing soft core pornography and progressing towards more and more violent and aggressive forms of it until the point where nothing could satisfy his thirst and he started acting it all out in his physical reality. And the other point was alcohol that allowed him to shut down all his moral value system and act in ways that he never believed he was able to.

What was the most interesting thing within this whole story was the long debate that followed after this interview where various professors tried to prove/disprove the link between hardcore/violent pornography and abuse/exploitation/murder of women by men who are exposed to this kind of material. In the end the mainstream psychologist community decided that the evidence to support the existence of such direct link was not enough and thus pornography was allowed to continue its growth and expansion as apparently harmless material. They claimed that the confession of Ted Bundy was not honest and that he was probably trying to mislead and was hiding something. Amazing

So basically it shows that our psychologist and psychiatrist have no clue whatsoever about the functionality of human behavior and are completely lost in the knowledge and information that was shaped entirely by this system which based on separation where values are placed on personal happiness and self-gratification.

Just looking at my own experience of participating in pornography I could see, without having gone to any fancy university, how this pattern of desensitization was growing within me where slowly but surely I required more and more different forms of stimulation to reach to the point of satisfaction. So it was not hard to see how one can end up, if allowing oneself to continue on this path, as a monster who has no regard for anything because of this drive to feed the addiction at all cost.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place trust in psychologists of this world because their finding served well my self-interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tolerate people’s addictions because I expected the same tolerance from them in regards to my addictions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a secret mind within myself and believe that it’s my right to have it and I justified that there is no harm possible as it is only in relation to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believed that all my decisions that I make in my reality are based only on my conscious mind and that the secret mind has no play in decision making process

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that if the decision where made within/as conscious mind, as the part of the mind which people present to the world, we would have a beautiful existence, however the actual reality proves to us that something else is in control here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that we as human are directed mostly by fear and greed and the outside presentation as happiness and love is only a disguise to hide the actual reality because of the fear to face it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was born in sin and that my true nature is bad and there is nothing I can really do about it, but just to try and do my best in becoming a good man where within that I covered my original believe of myself as a sinner with ideas of goodness and morality thus suppressing and denying my evilness – thus empowering it more and more

I commit myself to expose fake theories of psychologists and psychiatrists by sharing my own experiences and experiences of other people that reveal the actuality of our existence as humans

I commit myself to show that psychologists and psychiatrists have no understanding yet about the actual functioning of human behavior and that we should not place any trust in their research but we should develop our own common sense and see reality through direct observation

I commit myself to show, through many various events that are happening in the world, the danger of having and participating in the secret mind

I commit myself to clean up my secret mind where I will investigate in specificity what I am still not willing to expose of myself to others and where within that I will utilize self-forgiveness and self-corrective application so that I become a transparent and trustworthy being

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