Day 58: The Smiling Personality

Throughout my life I have learned amazing technique to deal with any type of problem or situation where I felt I wasn’t in control – that is to put on a smile on my face. It is an easy act and it is really effective with most beings, where most people respond in the same manner and so we pass each other as if everything is alright, thus never getting to actually get to know each other, because who we really are behind these fake smiles is suppressed and hidden. I can look at myself and definitely see that I am not smiling inside in most cases. Many times there is a backchat running where I have nasty and judgmental thoughts towards another and yet I smile. I hide my true self, because I fear exposing my inner reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk with a smile on my face as if everything is fine all the time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wear the smiling mask for so long that I started to believe that this is who I am – a benign being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put a smile on my face while inside of me there are many judgments/blame/anger towards myself and others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the possibility of conflict if I do not pretend to be a happy person in front of others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become lost not knowing what to say or do when people ask me what is wrong with me when I they see my grim and frowned face

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when people ask me what is wrong with me or why I am not happy where I immediately judge them as being ignorant and blind to the problems in this world where my backchat goes “how can you be happy when you live as a slave to this system and where people starve and die because of our allowance of this pretended happiness”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that people would understand me and share my concerns while I remain silent and do not share myself as who I am and what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use smiling and pretending to be alright as a mechanism to get rid of people and avoid the possibility to start a conversation if they were to ask me what’s wrong with me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my smiling personality where within that I went into the opposite polarity where I deliberately looked sad and troubled

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there are only two choices – whether I am happy or not where within that I try to find a balance and constantly control myself by observing people’s reactions and seeing what works best, meaning what gets me through without attracting attention

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to avoid people not realizing that I have to face them all and express common sense about the actual existence of our current living

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be a real being who reflects in my whole body’s expression the reality of this existence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget what it means to walk the process in and as courage where I bravely face all beings in my existence by speaking and expressing what is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that existing in thoughts I am unable to see what is here thus I am in my mind as energy movement where I exist within polarities of good and bad – and thus I am in constant fight between the good and bad trying to balance the equation where I believe that this balance is my point of stability

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that there is no solution in thinking thus until I allow thoughts to decide my actions I will never be able to express myself in a way that does not create some form of friction and thus I will never be stable but only a subject to energetic triggers

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that having thoughts is the only way to survive not realizing that I am surviving only as a limited personality as the mind that exist in constant fight between polarities infinitely spinning in the same behavior patterns as I can prove to myself that through writing

I commit myself to stop pretending that everything is fine and stop putting a fake smile on my face to thus equalize my outer expression and my inner reality as how I experience myself within – to thus be able to see the dis-ease that I have become and correct it by taking complete self-responsibility for all my behavior

I commit myself to learn communication skills through pushing myself to interact with people where in that process I will learn to comfortably handle conflict situations by remembering that all I have to do is slow myself down and direct the moment as myself through breathing here in awareness where I have all the power to decide my actions and stop reactions

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