Today while communicating with one of my colleagues we started on the topic of love. So far one of the definitions that I have come across most often in regard to what is love – is the butterflies in the stomach. That apparently is one of the biggest treasures that people want to hold on to. There are other definitions as well. So basically by collecting all these different symptoms that people experience we can start identifying and defining this disease called Love.
So during the conversation I tried to explain to my colleague that feelings are not real and consequently take you down to experience the negative side of the other polarity. Either way what I want to talk about in this blog is how I approached the conversation where what I spoke was pure knowledge and information that I spewed by quickly scanning through all my past contemplations about the topic of love and more specifically the feelings that are experienced when In Love. When I look at my starting point of interaction it was to convince another about my righteousness and prove another wrong. Within interactions with people I noticed how I build within myself that stance of being all knowing being where apparently I must have an answer for everything. So today when the topic of love came up I immediately jumped as a hero with the ultimate answer. I have ignored all the signs that my body and the whole situation was showing me to stop what I am doing and change the direction – my heart rate increased, I experienced the shortness of breath when speaking, me and my colleagues were talking over each other and not listening at all to what each has to say. It’s amazing how I got myself into the chaos of the moment and twirled in it until I was completely exhausted and finally saw that any clarity about the issue is disappearing more and more with each passing moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to communicate with another from the starting point of knowledge and information where the words I speak are dead without any sign of actual living essence in them
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for a solution in the memory banks of my mind instead of being here in this moment and speaking with awareness of each word, sound, movement, the whole environment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that before the conversation started I already had the intention to prove my righteousness and convince another about his wrong attitude towards life where within that I was focused on winning instead of actually listening and hearing my colleague to understand his position and support him as my equal
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame another for not willing to hear me when in fact I was not hearing neither myself nor my colleague nor was I aware of anything else that was happening in that moment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create memories as knowledge banks around a certain point and believe that this is the answer for all situations where this point is discussed and where within a discussion I simply access my memories and spill all this dead knowledge without any considerations about the being/beings I am communicating with
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when during conversation I stopped myself to try and see the answer to question that I was asked I simply accessed my knowledge banks instead of admitting to myself that the whole scenario has gone out of control and I need to stop the conversation immediately to clear my starting point of interaction
I commit myself to become a better listener where I would actually hear what others are saying instead of existing in the space of endless voices in my head that do not allow me to hear anything
I commit myself to speak living words where I study my vocabulary to actually get familiar to the words that I utilize in my interactions
I commit myself to stop the digging within memories when communicating with another and become the living expression of the points I speak about
I commit myself to drop and stop all expectations before any interactions within realization that this gives me only a tunnel vision and a desire for certain outcome thus I compromise the expression of unpredictability of myself as life to correct the dead world of knowledge