Day 68: Body harm – fasting

Here I am having another look at my experiences with my body abuse that I allowed in this life. Fasting I believed, again through knowledge and information that I learned from books, is a way to clean myself and reach higher states of being. This is the time when I became interest in spirituality and started applying many techniques to raise my awareness and energy vibration. Fasting was one of them. After trying fasting for a couple of times I became fond of it even though I wasn’t gaining anything but an idea of myself as having achieved something, it was a form of self-discipline. Strange how brainwashed I was at the time and how ignorant to the obvious abuse I was inflicting unto my body. Usually after each fasting experience I would eat extreme amounts of food even when my stomach would shrink and be incapable to take in all this amount of food I was forcing. Throughout the whole fasting period I would imagine and create to the smallest detail my whole experience of what I will eat after fasting is over. I believed that the foods I crave during fasting are exactly the ones that my body requires and needs and I also believed that when I am always full, meaning never hungry, then I cannot know what my body needs and requires thus I must do some fasting to see clearly what my body needs. However in the end I was mostly abusing myself with sweets and other non-supportive products.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe fasting is good for me as who I believed I am as a spiritual being where I complete ignored my physical body’s needs to be nourished and supported with proper nutrition

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I can transcend eating and thus be free from the limitations of this physical existence never realizing the necessity of physical energy that I was sucking from my body to create my alternate mind personality which desired that ascension

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and reach a Buddha state where within stories it was told that he fasted until he was able to laugh at hunger apparently realizing that it is not real and when not being able to reach that state judge myself as not devoted enough and thus force more abuse towards my body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and never even consider that if not eating was the key to transcendence then we would have millions upon millions of enlightened beings who have been/are starving in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the immense abuse I was causing to my body through jumping from one polarity to the other where after fasting for days I would eat extreme amounts of food

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I had no tools or any clue whatsoever how to deal with my mind and no real understanding of how I am creating my reality with my thoughts where during fasting I was imagining and creating different scenarios of eating and where I would then immediately play out all these scenarios in complete disregard for the actual functionality of my body where it is common sense that after longer periods of not having any food one should proceed with small amounts of food to not cause harm to the body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I was becoming more and more miserable through undergoing these fasting periods where my relationship with food was really beginning to deteriorate where I basically made the point of fasting as the point of fake stability as if to prove to myself that I am still dedicated to my spiritual path – thus when I was failing at everything I needed more stability and devotions and thus I fasted more and thus caused more troubles

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that through fasting I was becoming more in touch with my body not realizing that I don’t need to starve myself to get in touch with my body but just to realize that I have become so deaf with that constant voice in my head that I have to get to experiences where my body has to scream to be heard

I commit myself to show that fasting is a destructive behavior leading to many eating disorders or even death

I commit myself to learn and teach how to respect one’s own body and provide it with the best support available within realization that our body is who we really are

I commit myself to show that it’s not the physical reality that is limiting us but it’s the polarized mind that is constantly and continuously spinning in infinite cycles pretending to be life

I commit myself to provide with the necessary tools all those who are willing to educate themselves to walk the path of change from the mind into the physical

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