In times when I would get very sick I would always realize my powerlessness as who I am as the mind where I would lie in my bed completely at the mercy of my body within hope that whatever is happening to me will sort itself out. It was always a good opportunity to really look back and see where I have created the disease through my thoughts, words and deeds. It was always very humbling experience where I would realize who is really in control here – it wasn’t me as the mind, it was my body that was fighting the disease and all I could do is to stop all the bullshit in my mind and allow my body to do its job.
Sometimes the reason for getting the sickness was simple – like eating plenty of junk food, purely to satisfy the hunger of the mind. Sometimes it was extensive participation in my thoughts that caused the imbalance where I could feel hundreds of different personalities fighting within me and creating a complete chaos in my head. And so because the body is very closely interlinked with the mind that obviously caused some disorder my body’s functionality.
I can remember very well one event where I was lying in my bed with extreme pain in my stomach area being completely helpless and clueless about what was happening to me. The only thing I could do was to lie down and wait. In that moment I could see my mind as my thoughts running completely wild causing extreme commotion and where I was trying to figure it all out in my mind not realizing that all the while I was just fueling the dis-ease. It was just too obvious that the mind is absolutely blind when it comes to bodily functions and is completely incapable to understand how the body actually works and how to deal with such manifested consequences. In Homeopathy it is constantly repeated that body has the innate ability to heal itself and where our job is to remove all obstacles preventing the process of recovery. So in my experience it was rather obvious that my thoughts were standing in the way of healing to take place, yet I was so lost in these thoughts that I could not stop this dis-ease, I mean I didn’t know where to go, who should I be in that moment if not my thoughts – If I stop my thinking who am I. So it went like that for a while until suddenly I touched my leg with my hand and realized that this is where I have to be – in the flesh as the flesh and realize this point of stability. So that’s how I was able to leave for a moment my thinking process and relax for a moment – it felt like walking out of the room full of people that where severely fighting with each other. Having found this point of stability was an amazing discovery where I was finally able to observe the battle of the mind and realize that I don’t have to participate in that. Shortly after that I had this strange image, like a whole scenario playing out in my mind where I perceived as if I was walking into the office where war was waging between all the employees and within all that I was the authority, one guy who was aware of what was happening and in that moment I started shouting to everyone in this room where I gave a little speech about the necessity to stop this bullshit and to start organizing ourselves and working together towards a solution. It was very cool experience where I felt how all the pressure simply disappeared from my head and I could finally hear my breathing. In that moment I knew that the healing process began and all I had to do was to keep that peace as my presence of myself as simply the breath and be the authority of who I am as the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself into multitude of different personalities where each claim the authority and cause immense distress to my physical body
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the only valid authority is one that stands for what is best for all where no separation and thus no friction is caused
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that oneness and equality is the obvious solution to the dis-ease that is experienced in my physical body and this world as a whole
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that unless I stand as the authority of the totality of me insisting on the equality of all participants as all the personalities that I have created in my mind there will be no resolution but further perpetuation of conflict and friction that cause the imbalance and dis-ease
I commit myself to bring all parts that I have separated myself into/from and equalize them to thus be able to as one towards a solution that is best for all
I commit myself to stand as the authority of all parts of myself insisting on equality and active participation in establishing a new system that is best for all
Artwork by Andrew Gable