Today while riding my bike I was listening to Anu ‘s interviews – these specific ones where about WORDS. At some point I got into the experience of overwhelmingness when I realized the extent of the problem I face. I could see how much work is waiting ahead for me until I can clear all the connections I have attached to all the words in my vocabulary. I realized that I never really hear another for real or I never can read another’s words as they are presented by another, because to each and every word I have assigned my own connections that function like filters sipping slowly into my understanding, where by the end of hearing or reading someone I have designed the whole picture based on my interpretations of the words – and thus I never really stand equal to another being because another being has different filters within his system, so we basically always miscommunicate with each other all the time.
I faced this today within participating in commenting where I was trying to explain to another the deception of love. I spent a lot of time looking at all the words and it was like a maze within which I got lost.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an emotional experience within realizing the vastness of different interpretations/values/ beliefs that are connected to the words we use where within that two beings are unable to have one and equal conversation
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to certain words and feel helpless within trying to understand how exactly I am manifesting these reactions where it seems impossible to ever achieve the state of clarity
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will never be able to find time to clear my vocabulary from all the vastness of connections I have assigned to each word
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to underestimate the power of words where Anu explained within the interview that one word can change the direction of human beings life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the responsibility that I have towards myself and others within my everyday interactions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed with the amount of words that the other being has used in commenting where I was completely lost in being able to respond in seeing the difference in our understanding on words and values attached to these words
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself that I am spending too much time within my responses to comments
I commit myself to begin the purifying process where I take words from my vocabulary and remove from them all the associations I have connected towards them so that upon hearing or using the word I stand in absolute clarity what this word represents as it is
I commit myself to flag point every single reaction I have upon hearing a word to thus release myself from the mind consciousness system energetic enslavement
I commit myself to remain in breath within hearing and reading another’s words where I do not allow any reaction to come up and influence my interaction