Day 78: “It’s just tooooo much” experience

 

While participating in the internet where I’ve been reading and watching all kinds of material, reading many 7 year journey blogs and within that seeing all the variety of points people are dealing with I have allowed myself to go into the experience of “it’s just too much”, “I will never be able to deal with the vastness of thought processes that I exist in and as”

And also later when listening to Anu’s interview where he was emphasizing how within the process we have to really stick to one point and walk that point to completion I went into anxiety where I realized that I have not been doing that at all and most of the points I have been dealing with until now where just a scratch of the surface, nonetheless I still just kept leaping from one point to the other never allowing myself to really dig deep and actually deal in specificity with any single point, forgive that point for real and implement an actual change that I could track and test in the physical. It’s like all the writing of self-forgiveness and self-corrective actions I did just evaporated into the background of my being through the believe that it’s all done – I have changed.

Later after some time I actually noticed that there is no actual change within me but still I haven’t changed anything within my application but kept going within the same lines, hoping that in some way I am still changing – just need some time. But time was going by and still nothing was changing and here I am at this point in time where not only that I haven’t changed but I have created somehow more shit where I can feel more energetic charges within my body – I just became more reactive and resistant as if creating war within myself wherever I go.

Then today I received a comment from Marlen that she placed to one of my blogs and where only now I am starting to understand the significance of it. Here is the comment:

A cool point that was explained in Anu’s latest interviews (60 and 61) is how it is not to get rid of/ remove a point, but rather realize its creation stemming from your own participation wherein it is then a point to equalize yourself as the points that you have separated yourself from – that way there is no ‘battle’ to ‘overcome/ control/ remove’ something as that would be separation, but walk the understanding of how they are created to then see them ‘for what they are’ – your own creation while understanding How you created such experiences in the first place.

So that is exactly what I have been doing most of the time for a very long time. I even remember that this same point was mentioned to me by the dimensions some years ago.

So I am basically at war with myself where each point that I am taking on I am approaching it from the perspective of fighting/battling the point, wanting to remove and overcome it. For example when I see a problem like some fear or resistance that I have towards something and within that seeing the manifestation/symptom of this problem what I do is I apply the correction on top of it where within all of that I miss the crucial step, which is to go back in time and see how I developed/created the poit/problem in the first place, where does this fear or resistance originated. Because only at the point of origination I can see my part as the creator of the problem, as being the one that accepted and allowed this point to begin and grow into that which it has manifested as the point/problem I am dealing with in the present. And also to see how and where I have separated myself from this point where now I believe that I have to battle/fight/overcome it instead of realizing that it’s who I am, that’s what I have become through my acceptance and allowance and thus it’s my responsibility to change it by correcting that initial point of separation into equality and oneness where I can change as it.

So basically I just write down for myself a note to always remember – that when facing a problem in my reality I ask myself – where did it originate? How did I accept and allow this limitation and separation to start and grow and then how can I correct it now in the most effective way.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach each point/problem from the starting point of separation where I believe that I have to fight/battle/overcome that point/problem through creating a plan of corrective actions that will destroy and conquer my problems not realizing that I am fighting myself as what I have become thus I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to walk back in time and see the process of how I have created myself as what I have become now within the specific point I am dealing with to thus be able to stand as equal to that point and implement a correction that practically considers the total design of that point from the moment of origination

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge what I have become as the points/parts of myself where within this judgment I was resisting myself and all I wanted to do is just to get rid of these points/parts of myself by quickly building an “army” of corrective actions not realizing that I was creating war with myself without any actual understanding of who I am and how I came to be as the point/parts of myself I want to get rid of

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it is essential to, within facing a point within myself, ask myself the questions – how and where did I create this point/part of myself that I want to get rid of where within that I utilize writing to see the totality of this point/part of myself where I go back in time and look for the point of origination as well as all the intricate connections that this points has manifested within my world and reality to thus enable myself to act in full understanding within changing the point/part of myself in a way that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that by attempting to remove the point/part of myself without full understanding how this point/part is existing and is manifested within me I am not only wasting my time but also creating pain and resistance, where the point/part of me having faced a possible threat will transform and develop more defenses and thus I manifest in this way more resistant to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there is a shortage of time where within this I rush myself through the points without taking the time to actually investigate the points

 

I commit myself to change my approach within dealing with point/parts of myself where I ensure that I establish a relationship of equality with all the points/parts of myself within realization that everything is me and within that stop the battle with myself and simply develop a relationship with myself of intimacy and real understanding realizing that only here the real change is possible

I commit myself to not move to the next point until the point I am dealing with is fully investigated, understood, forgiven and corrected where after that an actual physical change is observed and tested

I commit myself to always remind myself that within each point I must go back in time and find the point of origin/creation where I take self-responsibility for this point realizing that it’s my creation that I brought into this world through my acceptances and allowances and its now my duty to practically correct and change it in a way that is best for all

 

Supportive articles on how to deal with the points:

Equal and One: The Secret

Day 18: Weeding and the Mind

Day 4 – EUREKA–I’ve got The Point!!

 

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One comment on “Day 78: “It’s just tooooo much” experience

  1. MichelleM says:

    Awesome blog post– really supportive for me — thank you!

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