So I will start my process of removing self-judgment in regards to my body parts where I begin with one of the most prominent self-judgments which is towards the chest. After having created the idea of how I want to look I was training very specifically to achieve the desired body shape. I was doing pretty good with most of the body parts yet my chest wasn’t aligning with the picture in my mind. No matter how much effort I was putting into developing my chest muscles it remained mostly flat thus compromising my whole quest for a perfect body. So I started to judge myself quite extensively where I was comparing myself to other guys who had the shape of chest I desired where I would ask them how did they manage to develop their muscles like that. And what I found within this research is that they didn’t put any special emphasis on their chest, it was just naturally like that. So here I started to believe that there is something wrong with me. I mean I wasn’t completely obsessed with this idea but still it had some influence in how I felt.
Later my brother seeing my concern and kind of confirming my lack noted that the reason I have this issue is because of my body posture that I have adopted since I was a young kid where I was always holding myself in a slightly humped position with my shoulder leaning forward. So I could actually see that this was compromising my chest muscles because instead of putting my chest straight and forward it was in the shadow of by shoulders. And that created interesting conflict because existing in this hunchback position I liked how my other muscles where being emphasized and didn’t like at all how everything looked when I would become completely straight in my body posture. So I found myself in a lose lose situation where something had to be sacrificed and after some consideration I decided to remain as I am where now I had to basically make peace with my flat chest.
So the question that I ask myself now is – did I ever, within this whole search for perfect body, charade consider my physical body and what is best for my body. Nope, the only consideration was how I will look. Time to change that
Tomorrow will continue with self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements…
How/why have we come to accept and allow a society – that judge, condemn and discriminate against our own physical-appearance, literally buying into the consumerism industry of ‘physical unnatural perfection’ with steroids, supplements and performance enhancement drugs – when we do not/would not put in such effort in the perfection of ourselves within who we are?