Day 94: “I can’t remember my childhood” character

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not able to remember my past because I have hidden it deep inside of me by the act of burning all the pictures I had from my childhood

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the character “I can’t remember my childhood” is just a manipulation tactic so that I would not have to investigate the roots of my current accepted way of living by going back into my past and seeing where and how I have started to express certain behavior patterns which to this day are influencing my reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a believe, after reading the books by Carlos Castaneda, that it is possible to delete your past by burning your pictures not realizing that such action represents complete denial and separation from my past as the place where I created myself as who I am now and that it is imperative to go back into the past and see/realize/understand in utmost specificity the whole process of creation/becoming so that I would be able to undo what was done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that first 7 years of my life were crucial in creating the characters through which I live in my current reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I am recreating the past over and over in my everyday living and not seeing thus that I have to go back into my deepest past to see where did I, as who I am now, began my journey in separation from all life dividing myself into multitude of different characters which are all existing as separate entities trying to insure self-survival and are in conflict with what is HERE as actual LIFE as this physical existence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will never be able to remember my childhood where I observe how others speak about their very early memories in specificity bringing the events here and connecting the dots with their current behaviors

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that this process of going back into childhood opens slowly to ALL who are willing to undertake persistent and vigilant self-investigation, as I have proved to myself with a few points that I was dealing with and found their source stemming from my childhood

 

I commit myself to stop self-manipulation within the believe that there are people, myself included, who are not able to remember their past memories where within that I realize that I am the one who has suppressed my past and thus I can be the one who opens the doors and walks in to meet my maker

I commit myself to learn the process of taking my current behavior patterns that require correction, as they do not stand within the principle of what is best for all life, and track them back, breath by breath and step by step, to the point of origin where I can look at my seed from which I grew and see the deeds that are programmed within this seed and within that change the seed so it can grow into the tree of LIFE

I commit myself to educate myself on the development of the child within his first 7 years of life so that I would better understand what I have gone through as a child and thus be able to correct myself and also educate the parents of how to avoid the mistakes that have been repeated throughout the ages by ill-informed parents

I commit myself to investigate the process of characterization of self and how exactly I have designed myself to exist in multitude of mental characters within separation from the one and only true character that matter – my physical human body

I commit myself to walk patiently and persistently towards remembrance of my past carefully investigating each event to understand how all the events in my life shaped me to become who I am and how to ensure that we do not repeat this process – as it is clear that the outcome of this process was/is not what is best for all life

 

Great Support

Day 89: Remember the TRUTH

Day 34: Families Failing at Life, Part 1 – First 7 Years

Day 83: Character Charting to Discover Real Me

Day 81: The Only Real Character

Day 80: Creating a Character

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