Day 104: Communication with my Mother

 

Since returning home for a few weeks I have been observing myself within communication with my mother. The red flag came up when I found myself on a few occasions going into a state where I could hardly utter a word when my mother talks to me. Now I can see that I have created this “fuck off” character around my mother because of her tendency to please me all the time. She is constantly worrying whether I have eaten, or have enough clothes, or if there is anything else I need. Within that I experience guilt arising within me where I start thinking about all those who don’t have even their basic necessities being met and here I am getting/having much more than I require.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in any way to my mother’s behavior around me

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to become obviously visible representative of LIFE here on earth where within that I do not support the existence of any characters of self-interest but state clearly what I will accept and allow as an expression of life and what I will not accept

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that some parts of being cared and pleased by my mother I enjoy within me and thus I haven’t stated clearly my standing and haven’t stopped this self-interested behavior completely

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it’s too late to stop this very deeply ingrained behavior patterns within my mother of pleasing me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be worried about changing my mother and her behavior patterns instead of focusing on myself and making sure there are no reactions within me and that no matter what happens I simply continue my daily application and also increase my visibility in standing for life so that my mother would have like a test to see if she still supports me when I visibly stand for life despite all the opposition that I will face in this reality from all the preprogrammed robots that are unwilling to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of being hardly able to speak with my mother where within myself I experience this huge resistance to communicate when she asks these questions of wanting to care for and please me instead of being direct with her in my communication

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my mother for being blind to the total picture of this reality where I ask her how come that she doesn’t care for other children of the world like she cares for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the necessary amount of time and repetition that is required to bring people out of their preprogrammed life design so that they would star considering life outside their little bubble existence

I commit myself to stop all reaction within communication with my mother and simply remain in breath clearly communicating with her who I am and what I stand for – no matter how many times i have to repeat that

I commit myself to become more visible within my standing for life so that everyone would see and know what it is exactly I stand for

I commit myself to no longer allow myself to use the power I have over my mother where she wants to please me all the time and I can get/get away with almost everything – and instead I commit to practically look at living here and ensure that I always do my equal share and in a way that is best for all

I commit myself to realizing the necessity of persistence and consistency in programming of new behaviors that support life into people

I commit myself to speak directly to all my family members without fear realizing that the fears of direct communication in the past were originating from the financial dependence on my family and now that this point is fully covered by me I can speak up and stand visibly of what I stand for

I commit myself to stop judgment of people who do not care for life realizing that I was in the exact same position and it took some time to recognize the stupidity/destructiveness of living a live of self-interest

I commit myself to keep applying myself daily where i stand clear and empty within myself – as an example of the possibility to no longer be controlled by the mind and all its influences – but stand here as and with life

 

Artwork by Maya Harel

 
More Support on the Point:

Blog Review: Feeling Depressed After Visiting My Mother’s Home (YOUTUBE Video)

7 years journey to life: Day 71: Feeling depressed after visiting my mother’s home

 

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