Day 105: “The Planner” Character

 

This is mostly related to meeting people that I know and with whom I agreed to meet beforehand. So before the meeting my mind gets busy to plan the event. It’s mostly trying to assess another being, trying to see where he stands within the process and what and how we should run our conversation.  All the information I take is mostly from my past experiences I have had with this specific person and thus I utilize this information to design some plan about what the meeting should be about. Here I am also running within my mind a variety of possible conversations/scenarios – where within that I am talking and giving answers to myself as if I am that other person, again all based on my past interactions and all the knowledge I have accumulated in relation to that person – also we can say that is an example of schizophrenic behavior where I am sure that many people act out within themselves. Yet somehow in our society it became a normal type of existing and is never really questioned.

So what happens when I actually meet another – there is no LIVING conversation, because the show is run by my mind with all the preplanned  knowledge where within that I desperately try to align my plan to current living moment. I have seen the ridiculousness of this behavior many times before but my mind just insists on running preparation scenarios in my thoughts.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to plan my meetings with other people in the mind where within that I create the whole event in my mind, all based on past knowledge of who I believe I am and who I believe another is and where later when I actually meet another person I try to superimpose my inner creation on the actual moment that is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that my all my past attempts to plan the outcome of my interactions with others ended up with disappointment as my mind’s planning  could never match the reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that existing in the mind during the conversation with another, where I have all the ideas lined up of how to approach another being I am actually keeping myself separated from what is HERE as the living moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the mind cannot possibly take everything that is HERE into consideration because of its limited preprogrammed nature where it exists within constantly filtering information and is based purely on self-interest where the totality of the moment is never seen

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself that I can just be here within each moment and directly see how to move myself within interactions with other people instead of having the action plan created in the mind based on past superimposing the living moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that allowing my mind to be the director I am keeping the past alive sabotaging any opportunity to expand and move beyond that which is known

I commit myself to live moment by moment within my breath and realize that I do not need my mind to give me direction within my interactions with other people as I realize that existing in my mind I will only keep my past alive which is limited and based on self-interest

I commit myself to realize that when I am planning ahead a conversation with another in my mind I always have some agenda where I usually want to change, CONvince or persuade another pretending to know what is best for another

I commit myself to become a better listener where I actually hear and see another where within that I develop the ability to respond to what is here as the expression of another – rather than superimpose all my planned shit on the current living moment

I commit myself to trust myself in being able to see within each moment the necessary actions to take that are in accordance with the principle of acting in a way that is best for all

I commit myself to live each moment as it is a new moment realizing that only in this way I can find my expression as life where I can see that if I live based on my past I will only create that which I know and what I know is not life but only automatic behaviors based on separation and self-interest

 

 

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