Day 120: Doing tasks just to be done

 

 

Working on my SRA assignment just a while ago I saw how I am just doing it in order to be done while the actual understanding, self-development and self-change was not really considered. I am still approaching studying as I did at school where my main goal was just to pass my subjects so I do not drop out or lag behind. This mindset is still a part of me showing me the gap in actual realization that I have to actually study and understand myself and my reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to work on my assignment from the starting point of wanting it to be done where the actual understanding and application of the material is not of the first priority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have resistance when it comes to dissecting and looking intimately at my own life within doing SRA assignments where within that resistance I manifest like a state of blankness where everything I do is not really understood but is done automatically and in hope that it’s correct

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in various distractions when doing the assignments instead of stopping myself in the moment when I see that I am about to distract myself from the task at hand and bring myself back to task no matter what are the justifications of the mind not to do it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep cycling within the same point of allowing distractions where I judge myself for that instead of understanding my resistances and removing them

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to slow my world down and observe in detail how my mind functions – how do thoughts come up leading me to distraction? How do I allow myself to follow these thoughts and what the hell is still holding me within the limited state that I am instead of making absolute decision to do whatever it takes to free myself from the influences of the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how lucky I am within having all the structure and support necessary to take on my mind but instead I waste my time unnecessarily prolonging my process with distractions where I allow the various characters that I have accumulated throughout my life come to the forefront and claim the stage directing my participation in this world instead of me being the directive principle at all times

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the process as hard and difficult where I gave it negative association where as a consequence of that I am manifesting the movement towards the opposite polarity which is towards the things that I have associated with positive charge

 

I commit myself to stop my fears of failure within doing my assignments and give the first priority to actual understanding and practical applicability

I commit myself to no longer worry about the time that I spend on my assignment where I make sure that I do it properly where I always check within myself whether what I have just learned I am able to explain in my own words to another

I commit myself to find the pace at which I am comfortable walking my assignments where I realize that the time does not matter as I have to give as much time as needed to fully understand and apply the material and yet I have to push myself to not waste time

I commit myself to stop any and all distractions where I make sure that I do not associate my studying as doing the assignments and performing daily tasks with negative charge where I realize that doing so I will be creating and manifesting the movement towards positive polarity charge

I commit myself to check my decision I have made to stand for life in each moment when the point of distraction comes and within that return myself to breath and deal with anything that is here I am facing

 

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