Ok I am looking again at my decision to study homeopathy and the reason I have been mowing ever so slowly in actually living my decision. One point I see clearly is HOPE. Hope that somewhere in the future I should get to the point of perfect conditions for me to do the study. I keep justifying my slowness by saying to myself that where I am now is not very suitable for effective study. Lack of time, other more important matters in my way, etc. And so what I noticed within that is that some of the apparent obstacles I had which served as justifications to not study I have actually removed as well as I created for myself conditions that I wanted and apparently required to have effective study time – yet within all that nothing really changed. Whenever I come to the point of actually studying, sitting down with the material and going through the concepts and definition that I require to learn I just give up within myself where again I create some form of excuse to prolong the actual work that needs to be done.
It’s usually the same experience I go through every time when I begin to study where in the back of my mind I have thoughts running: “There are just too many unknown concepts and I will never be able to learn them all” “It’s impossible to do this study without having gone through medical education first” “It’s impossible to keep the memory of all the medical terms”. So obviously within participating in these thoughts and truly believing their validity I manifest within me an experience of confusion/blankness where whatever I study I just forget immediately and cannot remember any terms or what I was just reading. These constant thoughts, backchat, energetic experiences constantly keep me preoccupied and thus I am never here to actually be with the material that I read and actually understand it.
So I see that it is of utmost importance to remove the background noise and remain just in the breath here with whatever I am reading/doing in the moment where I ensure that I am able to follow everything I read and I integrate the material through actual understanding. And within that I realize that in the beginning it might take a while to just get through even a few paragraphs as I commit to look up and familiarize myself with each term that I face and thus build my understanding and confidence. And I understand that a lot of patience will be required to get to where I am actually familiar with the new language of medicine and human diseases yet I push through and move myself no matter what resistance comes up that pull me back to a mediocre life of existing only as a slave to current system constantly complaining about the unfairness and neglect while all the while I am actually neglecting myself the opportunity to expand and grow in understanding about human body and it’s functionality and essentially means to support it through various medicines of Homeopathy.