Day 134: Watching the signs of self-dishonesty manifested

For a few days I started having problems with my right eye where the so called lacrimal sack that is responsible for releasing the liquids of the eye (like a draining system) is blocked and thus causing the accumulation of liquid and also pain and unpleasant twitching.

So today I saw how I was causing this problem within me. Basically it was the BACKCHAT that was accumulating within me which I resisted exposing/sharing. I can only be grateful to my partner for seeing my subtle hiding and thus pulling out the nastiness that I was creating and accumulating towards her through my projections.

I myself have failed to attend to myself and clear the point within self-responsibility.

It is also amazing how as a mirror of my acceptances I have manifested a situation at work that was showing within “another” what I was accepting and allowing within myself. This situation involved an event where my colleague has done something out of our agreement and is absolutely refusing to admit his mistake even in the face of undeniable evidence that both of us clearly see and understand. He insists that we just continue our relationship forgetting about the event and simply move on as if nothing has happened.

So this event again shows, as a mirror, what I was doing towards my partner and myself. I was having nasty backchat about her and I could definitely see myself being busy creating and festering it, yet I created huge resistance to open and share any of that or even investigate this for myself. So I was doing exactly the same as my colleague was doing to me and basically himself – hiding from self-responsibility and the fact that it’s inevitable to face ourselves in face of undeniable transparency of self-deceptions that we know about and that other eventually will also see – all within the hope that we can go on as if nothing happened. I was truly pissed off at my colleague for childishly avoiding facing this not realizing yet that I was doing the same thing – so I was pissed off with myself actually.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear admitting and exposing to myself and others what I have created within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for excuses of why I shouldn’t work on the specific point that is here and clear it up inside me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to leave the backchat unattended in hope that what I am experiencing will go away without taking self-responsibility for it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire absolute deletion of my thoughts not realizing within this that I am avoiding the confrontation with the details of who I am as the devil in this physical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to grow and fester nasty backchat within me where I can already see the consequence in my physical body where one of my sacks in the eye that is responsible for draining the tears/liquid from the eye became obstructed and causes blockage thus showing me that I am blocking myself with nasty backchat towards myself and others without taking responsibility to clear myself and so support my body to be clear and fully functional – and especially when all is in my power to do that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid the real issues at hand when all indications in my physical reality show the necessity to deal with specific points

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to just continue “beautifully” my process without going into the nasty shit that I exist in and as

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within absolute knowing that there is no way I can escape my backchat without facing and cleaning it, continue as if nothing has happened

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the foundation of my participation in this reality through dishonesty and hidden lies which are not actually hidden but show up in all my actions and words

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ignorant and unmoved by the consequences of my dishonest actions through the believe that I deserve that and that I need now more consequence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to really forgive myself and correct myself within the desire to go all the way of losing everything to thus get a real lesson

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not use this gift of opening to intimately look at myself and make necessary correction when seeing all the nasty nature that I have allowed myself to become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see within my world and my reality the examples as “other” people what I am actually doing within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge another on points that I am doing and participating within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it’s never about another but it’s always me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my thoughts and backchat personally and so make it my own believing it’s who I am and within that try and hide and defend and protect myself not realizing that who I am as the physical being has no thoughts and backchat about anything or anyone and thus anything that comes up within me has to be opened and cleared immediately – like a virus that needs to be removed from the body as it is caused disharmony within it – as it was shown in this event by my body that has manifested the problem in my eye

I commit myself to address any and all backchat that comes up inside me in the moment within realization that if it is left unattended it will slowly grow into my flesh making me believe that it is who I am and so I will eventually become completely infested with this backchat virus and so kill myself as who I am as the living flesh

I commit myself to be aware of my physical environment at all times as I see now how it is showing and revealing me the points that I am allowing within me

I commit myself to not take any of my thoughts/backchats personally because that “friendship” makes me compromise myself as who I am as the physical body

I commit myself to ensure that self-honesty in each moment of breath is the highest priority within my participation in this reality

I commit myself to remove the fear of exposing my thoughts and backchat to my partner because of the fear to lose her not realizing within this that I have already lost my starting point of agreement to be self-honest in each moment and thus I am now in the zone of relationship creation where I am subtly manipulating my lies to keep myself as various characters of the mind alive

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One comment on “Day 134: Watching the signs of self-dishonesty manifested

  1. […] Day 134: Watching the signs of self-dishonesty manifested (arvydasjourney.wordpress.com) […]

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