Going through the days I am looking at my process of how to balance my activities more effectively. I have seen the importance of having some physical work each day – to make sure the body gets some movement and has daily touch with the physical.
Today I went outside and looked at the tasks I have to do around the house. There were quite a few menial tasks to be done which I resisted wanting to do something more important, something that requires more skill. So through this resistance to just do what has to be done I have spent lots of time in the mind planning and contemplating bigger jobs that I could do. I could see in the moment how I am sabotaging myself and yet I could not make a decision about what actually I want to do. Choice is messing things up. How about removing the choice and doing what needs to be done – task by task.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be something more/to have greater skills where I go into my memory seeing how working with my uncle I was always doing menial tasks never learning the work that requires more skill
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my uncle that he never trusted me with more responsible tasks not realizing that I was never willing to take that responsibility and never really communicated my willingness to learn but always gladly remained in the background assisting with little things
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see every job as too big where I think about the whole process that I will have to go through and within that creating a resistance to walk all this difficult road instead of starting with step one and walking in breath and in specificity and enjoyment which I have seen actually emerges when I would get involved in the task without all the preconceived ideas about it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delay making decision about the what task to do and thus floating in the space of indecisiveness and so approaching my environment half ass
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how this state of indecisive mind reflects itself in all my interactions with people where I am obviously not completely here with and as the task but also somewhere else in my thoughts imagining and projecting other things that I wanted to rather do
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek some kind of perfections where I walk the whole process of doing the task in the mind and where I already see the final result – yet when the actual work from step one needs to be started I begin to doubt that I will be able to manifest this mind creation in such a way as I have thought in the mind and within that I discourage myself from doing the task and usually end up finding an excuse to not do it at all
I commit myself to stop projecting the tasks I have to do into future and remain here within the realization that process will unfold in physically starting the task
I commit myself to stop defining jobs as less or more and just do what needs to be done in the moment
I commit myself to stop defining myself as incapable for certain jobs where I simply realize that it is a process to educate myself about it and within that I walk the necessary steps
I commit myself to quick and considerate decisions in the moment and within that immediately proceed with the physical process of the day