This blog I want to make about something that definitely requires correction in my life and that is – structure of practical living. That was never a part of who I am, I never liked schedules, commitments, budgeting etc., all those things that require calculation, planning. I existed/exist within the believe ‘it’s gonna be fine, it always is’ so there is no need to overdo it, ‘it’s just a waste of time’
However now in my life I am facing a small regret for never allowing myself to develop this skill of understanding the design of practical everyday living and through this understanding basically how to direct/design my life in a most effective way.
Through existing in this mode of total abdication of responsibility I am basically just a slave to external events. The only thing I developed through this style of life is the ability to adapt to different circumstances yet in no way being in control of anything that happens. When something unpredictable happens I go into an immediate shock within me, for a short while, and then I find way to reprogram myself and adapt to the new situation. There is no practical response to the presenting situation in a moment because I did not bother to understand the situation beforehand and thus I have no idea how it functions, what is involved and how to move immediately in and as a new direction.
One of the justifications I use for this kind of accepted living is “there is just no way I can take into account all the variables that are possible within each situation, anything can happen thus I will not even bother to get to understand the probabilities, the functionality”. It’s definitely a lame excuse as I see it now to not take the responsibility for my life and direct it as best as I can.
This “go with the flow” pattern is all encompassing approach I take within all areas of my existence and essentially makes me completely powerless to produce any change that I claim I am willing to bring. This pattern stopped me for a long time actually investigating my own mind and how exactly, specifically I am functioning in my world. This leads to many assumptions about who I am, also hope that I will change instead of self-directive approach ensuring the certainty of change through actual understanding/comprehension of all parts of my existence.
So it is time to remove the justifications and invite the structure into my daily living where I start with the small things – like organizing my day, choosing the best and most effective structure to move through any given day. To structure and understand my relationship with money for example where now it’s a loose puddle where I have money, I have expenses but the specificity of how and where and when etc. is completely nonexistent. “I am sure I’ll fine” again the inner conversation comes into mind telling to leave everything as it is and move on without “wasting” time. Ok, maybe it is not necessary to count every penny yet the general idea about my financial situation is definitely necessary.
When I was reading some time ago a little about the successful people in this reality it was very clear that they share the attention to detail/specificity where they have perfectly developed skill in applied mathematics, knowing exactly where they stand in each situation. So this reveals that anyone who is willing to stand within the system has to understand the system in absolute detail. Even who I am as the mind personality functions very specifically with different programs running within me – making me react specifically in specific situation – so all this has to be understood in order to have a self-directive choice in each moment to choose the best outcome – that which is best for all.