Day 154: Reactions: Hopelessness

 

 

My experience so far with walking the various character dimensions was very supportive. Here I have taken a point of studying which is currently a very persistent barrier in my reality. I am still learning the specificity of how to look at various dimensions in more specificity and how to write them out where I can really make sense of what is actually happening within me, yet even now I can enjoy some improvement in how I approach my studies.

In this short period of writing about this point I have become much more aware of how many processes are actually running in my mind that are literally keeping me stuck in the past not allowing me to study or do anything else effectively. Within writing I also began to see that it is possible to correct this detrimental situation by first recognizing the patterns when they activate and within that making a decision to stop them from playing out where instead I chose a new way that is self-directive and worthy to be walked.

Again the key here within it all is breathing and slowing my mind to see how exactly it functions, because without this I am still in many ways ending up far within the playouts of the mind that is taking me on the ride through the valleys of thoughts, imaginations, backchats into reactive energy experiences and physical actions where from here it is rather challenging to return to the stability of breath here in the physical reality. Many times I still find myself somewhere far away in the alternate mind reality not at all being aware of what is happening right here where I am. It is becoming rather scary when I see myself doing actions with my hands that I haven’t directed myself, even right now when for a short moment I leaned back from writing I found myself reaching for my pen and a piece of paper that is lying just besides me wanting to do some useless drawing that I do sometime here at work. So again that wasn’t my direct decision but my automated mind making a decision for me because I wasn’t here to direct the moment. Interesting stuff.

So here I am continuing to walk the same point of studying where now I look at the reaction dimension and within that I will look from where the reactions come from, what are the consequences of allowing them and after that what must be realized and applied to stop this from reoccurring and actually returning to live here, back to my physical reality.

 

Reaction dimension

Hopelessness

Uselessness

Inferiority

Anxiety

Overwhelmingness

 

Hopelessness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how through having backchat/inner conversation within me I take myself to the point of really believing its validity and thus experiencing reactions in my body like hopelessness and from here completely compromising my physical real participation in my world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into hopelessness experience when I allowed within me that backchat “I’ll never be able to learn all this information”, “I don’t have time for this” and where I gave validity to this backchat instead of realizing that I can make the decision to stop and redirect myself back to the task

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this energetic reaction of hopelessness is who I am and that it is real because until this point in my life I haven’t questioned for real their existence and the influence this has on my physical practical living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend most of my life in the mind giving it all the power to decide who I am in each moment instead of me taking full responsibility for each of my action within consideration how my actions influence the world as a whole

I forgive myself that I haven’t  accepted and allowed myself to challenge my mind because there are things that I cherish and so I keep my mind to keep the things I like despite the evidence of the mind’s destructive nature

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the resistance in the form of backchat that later goes into physical reactions comes from my unwillingness to let go of my self-interest where it has possessed me to such extent that I consequently experience hopelessness in being able to give it up

 

I commit myself to realizing that all mind energetic experiences are self-created and thus can be stopped and thus I commit myself to stop within me all experiences that take me away from the real physical living

I commit myself to establish effective practical self-agreement regarding what I want to accomplish during the day and so I do it and thus I do not accumulate any regrets that turn into backchat and later reactions in my body producing unnecessary consequences that make it harder for me to return to the physical and actually do what I need to do

 

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