In this blog, before I continue with the name point that I was looking in the past few days, I want to look at my pattern of self-movement where some RACING can be observed. Meaning that I rush through the points and do not go deep enough to investigate the points to the very core and thus effectively deal with them. The pattern that I exist is goes usually two ways – either being in the postponement/procrastination mode or the racing mode.
Within this racer mode what happens is that I scratch the surface of the many layers that any given point/pattern is actually layered within me and thus as a consequence of such approach I only evoke more chaos within me as the points I am dealing with do not get actually resolved but only “irritated” and within surfacing into the conscious layer create more confusion.
So here the solution is again, as i have been writing for some time now, is to slow down and basically get the necessary structure to walk the points in specificity. The structure is very well laid out in the Heaven’s Journey to Life blogs where it is explained in absolute specificity, step by step process of walking the mind. It is clear to me now that getting the foundational understanding of how the mind functions and the ways/methods to start looking at it, is crucial and will save a lot of time instead of coming back again and again to the same realization when walking points in a half ass mode.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to race in my mind trying to do as much as possible not realizing that in this way I am actually doing very little by denying myself the time to actually learn the methodology of walking effectively through the many layers of the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in fear of slowing down because I immediately perceive that I will miss on something not realizing within this that my fear is already a reality because of the racing that makes me miss the detail of my reality that is here to be seen only within silence and slowness of each breath
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and see how when I actually slow myself down to see myself in more specificity I end up in fear of actually looking at myself and thus pressing again at my gas pedal to get out from the perceived darkness of myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself and so exist only on the surface of who I am trying and pretending to not see the way into myself when all the while it’s just my fear that keeps me racing and running away from myself
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to not realize that there are certain aspects/experiences of self-interest that I am not willing to let go and thus use the justification of fear to not face myself as I know deep within me that facing and seeing myself who I have actually become I will have to really change and lose the points of self-interest according to which I have defined myself and which I cherish and hold dear
I commit myself to slow down in my process where within that I look at my approach thus far and see all the points I can improve, expand on, perfect and also forgive so that I could have a fresh start within dealing with my reality with new effectiveness that I have never allowed myself to find before
I commit myself to become more practical in terms of using my time that I spend in front of my computer doing the research where most of the time I was just researching something and instead I focus myself on certain/specific direction and walk that line until I am clear in all dimensions and am actually able to move forward within self-trust
I commit myself to ground myself here in and as the breath realizing that being in the mind I will continue to race out there missing anything that is real here