So the point I am facing now is my communication and how I am not really placing myself in the position of facing myself. Meaning that I always choose ways and methods of living my life that do not require sticking out because in this case I will really face myself. So instead I chose the “safe” way where I stand in the background silently whispering who I am and what I stand for, hoping that no one really hears me and pays much attention, but interestingly enough I am wanting attention at the same time, of course only positive one. This is really big point for me and I see that it will require some work to do to get out of this loop that I existed for my whole life.
So here the major point that I am resisting is- being active in conversations/interactions on the internet or live where I would basically get involved with other people. I mean I attempted to do that, a more active participation a few times but when faced with something I didn’t know I would be taken aback and close myself again into my little “shell” where I would remain “preparing” to come back again. Slowly but surely however this “shell” became my permanent home that I resisted to leave whenever any opportunity would come.
Now to name this charACTer that I play here – it would be “I am not good enough” character. And so living this character I have never allowed myself to really try and get myself out there and face my shit and within that expand and grow through allowing myself to make mistakes, correct them and simply expand and unlimit myself from this believe that I am not good enough.
So now my goal to look at this character and determine all the dimensions that are involved in keeping this character in tact to thus be able to release myself from this accepted charACTer realizing that I am actually capable to change and become more than I am currently.
In this blog I will start with the outline of one dimension of how I exist as this character and from there investigate and write in more specificity this dimensions of the character where I become aware of the whole creation process which in turn will allow me and empower me to make the choice to change myself, because at the moment all the various processes that are involved in manifesting this character operate in automation and I am completely clueless about this creation thus I have no ability to change/ stop the existence of this character.
The FEAR dimensions of the character “I am not good enough”
Fear of being judged
Fear of making mistakes
Fear of confrontation/people
Fear of losing myself and that which I know
Fear of not being able to handle the truth of me
Fear of losing free choice
Fear of the responsibility
I will continue tomorrow with self-forgiveness and self-correction for the parts of fear dimension