This blog is a continuation within the series of blogs I am writing about “I am not good enough” character which manifests itself within situations where I have to take action by making a decision to actively participate in my everyday reality. In this blog I am looking at the dimension of FEAR of this character seeing what fears are present as the points of origin for this character to exist.
Fear of confrontation/people
Fear of losing myself and that which I know
Fear of not being able to handle the truth of me
Fear of losing free choice
Fear of the responsibility
Fear of confrontation/people
Self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements
When I was a small kid I went with my father to the shop where as he was shopping I waited outside playing and expressing myself on the bicycle parking lot where suddenly and old man came with a bicycle and being very angry hit me with the front wheel because I was blocking his way. At that moment my father was walking out from the shop and saw the incident. The reaction from my father was extensive where he started screaming and shouting, which scared me even more. So this memory has imprinted into me thus making me to be much more cautious about what I am doing in public around strangers expecting that I any minute things might go wrong.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I was a kid playing in the parking lot and being hit by an old man take the offense personally where I started to believe, while expressing myself, that I might be doing something wrong and that any minute I can be attacked for that
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deal with the confrontations that arise in my world in a similar way as I did in that moment when I was a kid where I froze in fear unable to respond in any way instead of realizing that I am actually able to remain here in breath when something happens in my reality and from here assess the situation calmly and respond in common sense where in the moment I realize that I either did something in self-interest and so I correct myself or when another acted in self-interest I can calmly explain the point and so support the being in seeing what he is doing
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within facing the points of friction within confrontations with other people and where I am not clear about the point as not understanding specifically where I stand within it I choose to retreat and avoid such event from repeating and justifying that by claiming that I am just “not good enough” or “not ready yet” to face such points
Here I commit myself to allow myself to expand in my world and reality where when I am faced with something that I do not understand I take the necessary time to investigate the point and become absolutely clear about where I stand within it as well as placing myself in the shoes of another to see another’s perspective and thus find with that the most effective way of resolution that would bring best possible results for all life
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