Day 188: I am not good enough” character – reaction dimension (Part4)

 

This blog is a continuation within the series of blogs I am writing about “I am not good enough” character which manifests itself within situations where I have to take action by making a decision to actively participate in my everyday reality. In this blog I am looking at the dimension of reactions that manifest in my bode when this character is playing out.

Introductory Blog

 

Fear Dimension

Fear of being judged
Fear of making mistakes
Fear of confrontation/people
Fear of losing myself and that which I know
Fear of not being able to handle the truth of me
Fear of losing free choice
Fear of the responsibility

Thought dimension

Seeing myself in a situation that goes out of hand and I cannot control it
Seeing a picture that is “empty/blank”
Seeing a picture of myself where I am being screamed at/called out

Backchat dimension

How will people react when I change from being silent/introverted guy to suddenly being active in my participation
I just cannot start participating with people from my surroundings because the topics they discuss are useless and of pure self-interest
If I start participating/interacting actively I will have to sustain that and will not have the free time I used to have
I am not good at applying knowledge practically, I spent too much time just reading and listening to others
I just have to start doing it and it will work out
I do not have the critical thinking skills like others do, all I did was follow others throughout my life

Reactions

Guilt
Inferiority
Anxiety
Overwhelmingness
Depression
Expectation / Anticipation
Excitement

 

Self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trigger within me the reaction of overwhelmingness when and as I approach people and situations in my reality where again I am just allowing the train of thoughts, backchats to overpower me to in the end convince me that what I am experiencing as being overwhelmed is actually real and that there is no other way for me to be in that moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how this reaction of overwhelmingness takes over me when and as I remain only in my mind instead of physically practically participating in my reality where I move, speak, write as the physical actions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that overwhelmingness builds up through the suppression of myself in not allowing myself to physically interact with my environment even though I want to, yet I remain purely interacting with myself in my own mind

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see how the suppression happens as a result of the fear of making mistakes and being judged where instead of facing my fears by moving myself to interact, participate, communicate and so deal with my reality I decide to act in a way that I have always acted which is to remain externally silent while internally creating alternate reality where I am attempting to solve my problems not realizing that nothing gets solved in the mind because it’s not real from the perspective that it’s only real to me yet has no real connection to this physical world and people within it, where there exist only my own interpretations, judgment, assumptions about what’s real and what’s not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how the reaction of overwhelmingness arises upon becoming aware of my suppressions where within that instead of walking the necessary steps of correction I again suppress myself thus allowing the reaction of overwhelmingness to really overwhelm me

I commit myself to when and as the reaction of overwhelmingness arises in situations where I have to interact with people in my environment STOP myself and realize that this reaction is not real from the perspective that it cannot be stopped and so by utilizing breathing I bring myself back to stability by releasing all this accumulated energetic reaction and from here I move and push myself to immediately correct myself by deliberately putting myself out there and communicating/interacting/expressing myself with people in the moment

I commit myself to realize that if I allow myself to suppress and not express myself in the moment of interaction I am going deeper and deeper into the pattern that I have always existed as throughout my life and that each time I allow this pattern to play out it becomes stronger and so will be harder for me to ever transcend and so from this realization I commit myself to make a statement that I will no longer allow myself to be directed by the mind and so I do what I see needs to be done in the moment without judging myself for whatever expression comes up in that moment knowing that if any mistakes are made I will correct them and thus grow and expand in my reality

 

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7 comments on “Day 188: I am not good enough” character – reaction dimension (Part4)

  1. […] Inferiority Anxiety Overwhelmingness Depression Expectation / Anticipation […]

  2. […] Inferiority Anxiety Overwhelmingness Depression Expectation / Anticipation […]

  3. […] Inferiority Anxiety Overwhelmingness Depression Expectation / Anticipation […]

  4. […] Inferiority Anxiety Overwhelmingness Depression Expectation / Anticipation […]

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