Day 189: I am not good enough” character – reaction dimension (Part5)

 

This blog is a continuation within the series of blogs I am writing about “I am not good enough” character which manifests itself within situations where I have to take action by making a decision to actively participate in my everyday reality. In this blog I am looking at the dimension of reactions that manifest in my bode when this character is playing out.

Introductory Blog

 

Fear Dimension

Fear of being judged
Fear of making mistakes
Fear of confrontation/people
Fear of losing myself and that which I know
Fear of not being able to handle the truth of me
Fear of losing free choice
Fear of the responsibility

Thought dimension

Seeing myself in a situation that goes out of hand and I cannot control it
Seeing a picture that is “empty/blank”
Seeing a picture of myself where I am being screamed at/called out

Backchat dimension

How will people react when I change from being silent/introverted guy to suddenly being active in my participation
I just cannot start participating with people from my surroundings because the topics they discuss are useless and of pure self-interest
If I start participating/interacting actively I will have to sustain that and will not have the free time I used to have
I am not good at applying knowledge practically, I spent too much time just reading and listening to others
I just have to start doing it and it will work out
I do not have the critical thinking skills like others do, all I did was follow others throughout my life

Reactions

Guilt
Inferiority
Anxiety
Overwhelmingness
Depression
Expectation / Anticipation
Excitement

 

Self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trigger the reaction of depression within myself when and as I have failed within the point of having to participate in social situations with other people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how through allowing self-defeating fears, thoughts, imaginations, backchats in relation to my social life participation to overpower me I manifest the reaction of depression from which it becomes ever more difficult to stand up and change my living behavior that would be effective and supportive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how the reaction of overwhelmingness that I experience when seeing the limitation I have allowed to exist within and as when it comes to my participation in my environment grows into depression if I do not stop myself and stand within myself to realize that all this is self-created and that I am the one that must correct this pattern of mind created behavior

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within the reaction of depression I close myself from my reality not being able to see a way out but only existing as this negatively charged entity where I perceive myself as being absolutely powerless to stop the experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how the allowance of depression as the negatively charged state of being takes me into the quest for positive experience where I try to balance myself out and so within that that I perceive this as being a solution instead of realizing, seeing and understanding how I have become depressed in the first place and so remove the source of this insanity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that positive experience in the absence of depression is just temporary relief if and when the source and the exact process of the creation of depression is not understood and corrected from its source

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have been using depression as a tool to not take responsibility for my life

So I commit myself to realize that depression as an emotional reaction is not real but self-created and thus can be stopped any moment  when becoming aware of it

I commit myself to stand accountable for all reaction that happen in my body and ensure that I understand the creation process of each single reaction from the point of origin and in this process I commit myself to write, forgive myself for allowing the reaction to exist

I commit myself to be aware at all-time about the damage that emotional reactions do the body and so realize that depression being such a strong emotional state of being , can do lots of damage and harm to the body and thus cannot be allowed to exist in me

 

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6 comments on “Day 189: I am not good enough” character – reaction dimension (Part5)

  1. […] Inferiority Anxiety Overwhelmingness Depression Expectation / Anticipation […]

  2. […] Inferiority Anxiety Overwhelmingness Depression Expectation / Anticipation […]

  3. […] Inferiority Anxiety Overwhelmingness Depression Expectation / Anticipation […]

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