Day 190: I am not good enough” character – reaction dimension (Part6)

This blog is a continuation within the series of blogs I am writing about “I am not good enough” character which manifests itself within situations where I have to take action by making a decision to actively participate in my everyday reality. In this blog I am looking at the dimension of reactions that manifest in my bode when this character is playing out.

Introductory Blog

Fear Dimension

Fear of being judged
Fear of making mistakes
Fear of confrontation/people
Fear of losing myself and that which I know
Fear of not being able to handle the truth of me
Fear of losing free choice
Fear of the responsibility

Thought dimension

Seeing myself in a situation that goes out of hand and I cannot control it
Seeing a picture that is “empty/blank”
Seeing a picture of myself where I am being screamed at/called out

Backchat dimension

How will people react when I change from being silent/introverted guy to suddenly being active in my participation
I just cannot start participating with people from my surroundings because the topics they discuss are useless and of pure self-interest
If I start participating/interacting actively I will have to sustain that and will not have the free time I used to have
I am not good at applying knowledge practically, I spent too much time just reading and listening to others
I just have to start doing it and it will work out
I do not have the critical thinking skills like others do, all I did was follow others throughout my life

Reactions

Guilt
Inferiority
Anxiety
Overwhelmingness
Depression
Expectation / Anticipation
Excitement

Self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trigger within myself the reaction of expectation/anticipation when and as I approach people in my reality when wanting to actively participate/interact with them which is a consequence of allowing the fears, thoughts, imagination, backchat to determine/influence who I am in the simplicity of the physical moment here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how by allowing my mind to run freely through all the dimensions I am existing in the alternate reality of my own where I miss everything that is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how the reaction of expectation/anticipation has nothing to do with the actual reality of the moment but is a pure creation of the alternate mind reality that I participate within

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I am taking myself for emotional rides when and as my expectations do not get fulfilled not seeing, realizing and understanding that people around me are not able to read my mind and guess what I am expecting/anticipating

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to communicate/interact directly with beings in my reality instead of creating alternate reality in my mind where I have my own conversations, interpretations, assumptions and so expectations and anticipations about people and situations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that by placing expectation/anticipation onto my reality I am existing in hope instead of taking the responsibility to direct my life for real by practically working towards the goals that I set for myself

I commit myself to bring myself back to physical reality where I directly participate with what is here and so I direct myself in each moment toward the desired outcome instead of existing in the mode of expectation/anticipation hoping that things will work out

I commit myself to in the moment when and as I detect the reaction of expectation within myself to immediately stop, breathe and see what physical practical actions are required for me to do in order to not create the consequences if /when the expectations are not fulfilled

I commit myself to realize that expectations as energetic reactions in the moment are just my mind’s projections, desired outcomes resulting from my fears, thoughts, imaginations that are all coming from the starting point of self-interest as the mind in order to ensure survival thus I commit myself to walk in breath without participating in the process of energy manufacturing of the mind machine

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5 comments on “Day 190: I am not good enough” character – reaction dimension (Part6)

  1. […] Inferiority Anxiety Overwhelmingness Depression Expectation / Anticipation […]

  2. […] Inferiority Anxiety Overwhelmingness Depression Expectation / Anticipation […]

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