Day 191: I am not good enough” character – reaction dimension (Part7)

 

This blog is a continuation within the series of blogs I am writing about “I am not good enough” character which manifests itself within situations where I have to take action by making a decision to actively participate in my everyday reality. In this blog I am looking at the dimension of reactions that manifest in my bode when this character is playing out.

Introductory Blog

 

Fear Dimension

Fear of being judged
Fear of making mistakes
Fear of confrontation/people
Fear of losing myself and that which I know
Fear of not being able to handle the truth of me
Fear of losing free choice
Fear of the responsibility

Thought dimension

Seeing myself in a situation that goes out of hand and I cannot control it
Seeing a picture that is “empty/blank”
Seeing a picture of myself where I am being screamed at/called out

Backchat dimension

How will people react when I change from being silent/introverted guy to suddenly being active in my participation
I just cannot start participating with people from my surroundings because the topics they discuss are useless and of pure self-interest
If I start participating/interacting actively I will have to sustain that and will not have the free time I used to have
I am not good at applying knowledge practically, I spent too much time just reading and listening to others
I just have to start doing it and it will work out
I do not have the critical thinking skills like others do, all I did was follow others throughout my life

Reactions

Guilt
Inferiority
Anxiety
Overwhelmingness
Depression
Expectation / Anticipation
Excitement

 

Self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within myself the reaction of excitement when I start to make future projections about myself and where I do it in a beautiful light seeing myself as I would like to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the excitement as the positive feeling is just an attempt to run away from what I am facing in the moment as all my fears, my thoughts, backchats in relation to who I am within my participation with other human beings in my reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have realized by now how ludicrous and untrue are all my future projections that I create in my mind as they never come to life but simply remain in my imagination and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how they keep me enslaved to not change for real if/as I realize that nothing will change unless I direct the change physically practically here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the dis-eased state that I exist in and as when I allow the reaction of excitement to overcome me where this excitement is generated purely in the mind through thinking, imagining things in absolute separation from this physical reality from which I am trying to escape as it does not match/reflect what I want it to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have any idea what this world should be within that losing my grip on how things actually are and so becoming powerless to produce any substantial change in the way I live

I commit myself to when and as I catch myself reacting in excitement towards some future projection that I create in my mind to stop myself, breathe and so walk in stability where no energetic movement occurs

I commit myself to upon noticing the reaction of excitement within myself go back and see what was the origin point of this excitement, meaning what is the negative opposite point of this positive feeling which I use to cover the reality

I commit myself to stop any and all illusion of the mind and walk in and as breath in each moment where I stand as my own policeman ensuring that I do not create any alternate realities in my mind but always remain here seeing directly into the reality and so I walk towards my desired goals being in alignment with the actual information instead of my own interpretation trough the mind

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4 comments on “Day 191: I am not good enough” character – reaction dimension (Part7)

  1. […] Guilt Inferiority Anxiety Overwhelmingness Depression Expectation / Anticipation Excitement […]

  2. […] Guilt Inferiority Anxiety Overwhelmingness Depression Expectation / Anticipation Excitement […]

  3. […] Guilt Inferiority Anxiety Overwhelmingness Depression Expectation / Anticipation Excitement […]

  4. […] Guilt Inferiority Anxiety Overwhelmingness Depression Expectation / Anticipation Excitement […]

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