Day 192: I am not good enough” character – Physical/Behavioral Dimension: (Part1)

 

This blog is a continuation within the series of blogs I am writing about “I am not good enough” character which manifests itself within situations where I have to take action by making a decision to actively participate in my everyday reality. In this blog I am looking at the Physical/Behavioral Dimension: that manifest in my body when this character is playing out.

Introductory Blog

 

Fear Dimension

Fear of being judged
Fear of making mistakes
Fear of confrontation/people
Fear of losing myself and that which I know
Fear of not being able to handle the truth of me
Fear of losing free choice
Fear of the responsibility

Thought dimension

Seeing myself in a situation that goes out of hand and I cannot control it
Seeing a picture that is “empty/blank”
Seeing a picture of myself where I am being screamed at/called out

Backchat dimension

How will people react when I change from being silent/introverted guy to suddenly being active in my participation
I just cannot start participating with people from my surroundings because the topics they discuss are useless and of pure self-interest
If I start participating/interacting actively I will have to sustain that and will not have the free time I used to have
I am not good at applying knowledge practically, I spent too much time just reading and listening to others
I just have to start doing it and it will work out
I do not have the critical thinking skills like others do, all I did was follow others throughout my life

Reactions

Guilt
Inferiority
Anxiety
Overwhelmingness
Depression
Expectation / Anticipation
Excitement

Physical/Behavioral Dimension

Tiredness/ Heaviness
Itchy, sore eyes
Can hardly voice myself

 

Self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself through thoughts, imaginations, backchat and reaction into the physical experience of tiredness/heaviness within which I basically make a statement that everything that I have created to get myself into this situation is just too much and there is no other way to deal with it but to “shut down” my body and mind by experiencing the physical sensations of tiredness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question the tiredness/heaviness I experience where I absolutely accept it as real not seeing, realizing and understanding how it was created in the mind and is experienced by the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have separated myself from my human physical body so much that I no longer can recognize whether the tiredness I experience is of the mind or my body is needing a rest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I am using the experience of tiredness to distract myself from being here, awake, in my reality facing every part of myself in full awareness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the importance of moments in my reality when and as facing situations of communication/interaction with other beings and where within that I experience tiredness as these moments show me that my mind is basically resisting that which is happening as it knows that here lies the possibility for change

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to upon experiencing tiredness go back in my mind to see how this experience was created and so understand what it is exactly I am resisting/avoiding to face in my reality

I commit myself to when and as I start experiencing tiredness within myself to stop myself, breathe and through looking into my body in self-honesty identify what exactly is happening – is this my body getting tired and needs some rest or it’s just my mind shutting down not willing to face a moment

I commit myself to upon seeing that the tiredness I experience is mind created stop the experience by standing up within myself and stating that I will not accept this from myself and in the moment I do whatever is necessary to break the experience of tiredness and bring myself to wakefulness and stability

I commit myself to realize that I have allowed long enough for my mind to direct my living and that it is time to stand up and claim back the ground as who I am as my physical body without the restriction and abuse of the mind upon me

 

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3 comments on “Day 192: I am not good enough” character – Physical/Behavioral Dimension: (Part1)

  1. […] Tiredness/ Heaviness Itchy, sore eyes Can hardly voice myself […]

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