Day 193: I am not good enough” character – Physical/Behavioral Dimension: (Part2)

 

This blog is a continuation within the series of blogs I am writing about “I am not good enough” character which manifests itself within situations where I have to take action by making a decision to actively participate in my everyday reality. In this blog I am looking at the Physical/Behavioral Dimension: that manifest in my body when this character is playing out.

Introductory Blog

 

Fear Dimension

Fear of being judged
Fear of making mistakes
Fear of confrontation/people
Fear of losing myself and that which I know
Fear of not being able to handle the truth of me
Fear of losing free choice
Fear of the responsibility

Thought dimension

Seeing myself in a situation that goes out of hand and I cannot control it
Seeing a picture that is “empty/blank”
Seeing a picture of myself where I am being screamed at/called out

Backchat dimension

How will people react when I change from being silent/introverted guy to suddenly being active in my participation
I just cannot start participating with people from my surroundings because the topics they discuss are useless and of pure self-interest
If I start participating/interacting actively I will have to sustain that and will not have the free time I used to have
I am not good at applying knowledge practically, I spent too much time just reading and listening to others
I just have to start doing it and it will work out
I do not have the critical thinking skills like others do, all I did was follow others throughout my life

Reactions

Guilt
Inferiority
Anxiety
Overwhelmingness
Depression
Expectation / Anticipation
Excitement

Physical/Behavioral Dimension

Tiredness/ Heaviness
Itchy, sore eyes
Can hardly voice myself

 

Self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest the experience of itchy/sore eyes within myself and believe within this that this is a natural occurrence that just happens

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that any itch/soreness in my body is specific message that my body communicates to me but because I have separated myself from my body through existing in my mind thinking I can no longer understand what, how and why my body speaks to me

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to establish intimate relationship with my body where I would be able to see and understand each sensation that comes up within me and so support myself in understanding what and how I am creating my living experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that itchy and sore eyes that I experience in moments are showing me points that I don’t want to see where when this happens I start to rub and press my eyes thus suppressing what I am facing in the moment

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stop in the moment when and as my eyes become uncomfortable and ask myself the question of what it is that I am avoiding to see and face in that moment and within that take responsibility to push myself to face the resistances

I commit myself to develop a more intimate relationship with my body by becoming aware of my breathing and just being here noticing all changes that my body goes through where I realize that every little shift is specific and shows me something about myself

I commit myself to in the moments when and as I start feeling my eyes becoming itchy or sore to stop myself in that moment and look what this moment presents and what it is that I am not willing to see and face about myself

I commit myself to educate myself thought the assistance of desteni material and my own physical observations about all the various body pains, behaviors thus getting to know myself and standing equal as my body

 

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2 comments on “Day 193: I am not good enough” character – Physical/Behavioral Dimension: (Part2)

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