Day 194: I am not good enough” character – Physical/Behavioral Dimension: (Part3)

 

This blog is a continuation within the series of blogs I am writing about “I am not good enough” character which manifests itself within situations where I have to take action by making a decision to actively participate in my everyday reality. In this blog I am looking at the Physical/Behavioral Dimension: that manifest in my body when this character is playing out.

Introductory Blog

 

Fear Dimension

Fear of being judged
Fear of making mistakes
Fear of confrontation/people
Fear of losing myself and that which I know
Fear of not being able to handle the truth of me
Fear of losing free choice
Fear of the responsibility

Thought dimension

Seeing myself in a situation that goes out of hand and I cannot control it
Seeing a picture that is “empty/blank”
Seeing a picture of myself where I am being screamed at/called out

Backchat dimension

How will people react when I change from being silent/introverted guy to suddenly being active in my participation
I just cannot start participating with people from my surroundings because the topics they discuss are useless and of pure self-interest
If I start participating/interacting actively I will have to sustain that and will not have the free time I used to have
I am not good at applying knowledge practically, I spent too much time just reading and listening to others
I just have to start doing it and it will work out
I do not have the critical thinking skills like others do, all I did was follow others throughout my life

Reactions

Guilt
Inferiority
Anxiety
Overwhelmingness
Depression
Expectation / Anticipation
Excitement

Physical/Behavioral Dimension

Tiredness/ Heaviness
Itchy, sore eyes
Can hardly voice myself

 

Self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take myself so far into the possession of the the thoughts, backchat and reactions that I manifest the experience within me where I can hardly speak/voice myself when interacting with people

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize how through participating in the mind I am furthering myself from the physical here moment to the point where I am unable to participate/function within interactions to people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how the judgment of what is here as the interactions of people/topics they are discussing triggers the reactions of overwhelmingness from the perspective of experiencing the hopelessness that people will ever realize how and what they are creating through their words and behavior where within this I get into the experience of giving up of trying to change anything and so manifest the experience/behavior of not being able to speak/voice myself during interactions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that people and situations around me are the mirrors of me and thus the experience of not being able to speak and voice myself effectively is a statement of giving up on myself believing that I cannot change

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to not realize how any reactions toward the external reality shows me what it is I haven’t yet dealt within myself and thus I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to investigate where and why I am not able to stand as an example for people where I can demonstrate the possibility of changing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that change in how we as human currently live must be directed through awareness by those who understand the ins and outs of human behavior thus there is an absolute responsibility to show through a living example the correction of practical living

I commit myself to when and as I catch myself participating in my thoughts where I create alternate reality in my mind creating separations from physical moment here to the point where I find myself in difficulty to communicate/speak/voice myself – I Stop myself, I bring myself back to a physical moment here and push myself to communicate/interact with people realizing that the experience I have created is not in fact real and through my direct decision I am able to stand from this mind creation and take responsibility for what the moment presents

 

 

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One comment on “Day 194: I am not good enough” character – Physical/Behavioral Dimension: (Part3)

  1. […] Day 194: I am not good enough” character – Physical/Behavioral Dimension: (Part3) […]

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