Day 195: What does it mean to take responsibility for my mind? living and interacting with other people one inevitably faces situations of disagreement. It’s cool when the disagreement is communicated and sorted out immediately, but that doesn’t always happen and thus the story continues and grows into an alternate reality in one’s mind and so consequently influences the outer physical reality. This is caused through allowing oneself to participate in the mind which starts to form and grow into the inner battle which eventually manifests unpleasant consequences. I have been facing that a lot recently with my partner as she is here to be my immediate mirror of what I am allowing in my mind. Now I can see why throughout my life I preferred to be alone and not form any dependent/committed relationships as it gave me the “freedom” to move away from facing myself. Now that I have placed myself in this position to stay and remain and face my shit I am having a rough ride, because through this constant lifelong avoidance I have never learned to deal with other people and sort the problems in a constructive, effective manner. Some time ago I truly believed that I had the perfect approach to deal with difficulties. The specific way I have done that is by making within me the statement “it’s time for me to leave this place, I can feel that something is about to go wrong”.

Now that this “backdoor” is closed I am faced with myself where I can see how ineffective I am in dealing with any form of disagreement. In humbleness I admit now to myself that am I just like a baby learning to deal in self-honesty with other beings and all my thoughts that I have a tendency to hide or shape in a way to paint a different picture instead of absolute exposure and thus opportunity for true resolve.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the silence mode when and as I am facing disagreement with my partner where I am waiting for the point to be directed by my partner and where I claim within this that I don’t know how to direct the point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for distraction whenever the point is here to deal with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately search for backdoor to escape from disagreement not realizing how I am actually heading for another time loop where eventually I will arrive at the same point until I face it and direct it towards a solution which can stand in support of myself and others as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to whenever any point of disagreement comes up where within that I have thoughts and reactions towards another being to not deal with the point/disagreement immediately but just brush it aside as insignificant not realizing within that how every other interaction with the same being will be now tainted and filtered through the thoughts that I had and haven’t sorted towards that being thus

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to underestimate the power of my thoughts even after seeing how a single thought can still determine my whole experience/mood during the day and so in this I am not standing focused, aware and determined to take on my living experience and correct it to the point where I am no longer influenced by energy but I make my decisions based only on the principle of what’s Best For All

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take a superior stance to my thoughts even when I see how they direct and influence my everyday living thus proving that they are actually superior to me thus I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stand in equality to my thoughts and direct my thoughts as myself towards a solution

I commit myself to establish myself as the directive principle within everyday decisions where instead of being influenced by energy in how I deal with my practical living to walk in and as the breath where I am absolutely stable in each moment and so am able to live according to practical assessment of what is best for all in any given moment

I commit myself to give to any disagreement that happens in my reality my fullest attention and physically practically deal with it in the moment whether through speaking to another being or forgiving myself for any reactions that come up when and as I see my mistakes as actions made in self-interest

I commit myself to stop the delusion of hope within myself when and as I face disagreement within the perception that things will sort themselves out and become the director of my life with taking full self-responsibility for every fraction of the day

I commit myself to stop abdicating responsibility to other people to direct disagreements and realize that any point that I see is not in alignment with the principle of what is best for all in which i am a participant is absolutely my responsibility to direct and resolve until clarity is achieved



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