Day 200: Leave me Alone please!!!

 

This is a statement of self-interest whenever some argument/conflict situation arises in my environment where within it I perceive myself to be the victim and as a reaction I desire to escape perceiving to be in the righteous position. Of course not realizing how this victim personality is in no way better than any other personality that takes over the simplicity of physical practical living. While being possessed with this character/personality everything around me disappears, energy takes over and the invisible force that I perceive is greater than me carries me away into the dark room of my personal mind reality where I make within me the statement “leave me alone”. All the practical considerations that require attention in that moment goes out the window and so the energy yet another time claims the victory over the physical reality.

I have participated in this pattern so many times now where each time I have made a commitment to not allow this energy to carry me away from what really matters and thus live the practical solution of self-forgiveness, communication and resolution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose self-trust when through the many opportunities that I had of facing myself in arguments/conflict situations I still failed to take absolute stand in not allowing the mind energy to direct me away from taking responsibility for my reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for justifications each time that I fail to follow through with my commitment to remain stable within argument/conflict situations and use these justification while knowing within me the bullshit of doing so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the believe within me that I need more time, more preparation, more investigation to face myself in these situation rather than just stopping that which I know I am doing in the moment and apply the correction that I have scripted for myself in writing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that all the commitments that I write for myself of how I am going to approach the arguments/conflicts in my reality are absolutely useless if I am not actually living them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself in my reality with various other points and considerations while there is one point that is here now for me to walk through and sort out to thus move myself further in my process of facing myself so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that my pattern of facing and dealing with points that come up in my reality has to be corrected by implementing structure and specificity and do it with the point that is here and needs direction now instead of running from one point to another without making any definitive real effect but only getting the good feeling that I am moving somewhere

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to slow myself down and reassess my self-application by practically measuring my physical reality in relation to the point I have worked through where I can see if what was corrected in writing is actually corrected in the living application

I commit myself to re-establish the self-trust in my living commitments by taking full responsibility for each word that say, from the smallest to the biggest and thus I commit myself to develop the specificity of paying attention to each and every aspect in detail in each breath

I commit myself to when and as the energy experience arises within me to possess me completely I stop and I move myself to remain here and consider at all times my physical commitments that I have made and not give the mind the power to determine who I am

I commit myself to realize that any failure to follow through with my commitments that I have made for myself compromises my whole process and leaves a gap to further failure thus I can never be trustworthy and stand absolutely for life

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One comment on “Day 200: Leave me Alone please!!!

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