Day 205: Guilt and Anger

I am well aware that I have the tendency to go and hide myself within and as the guilt character where I experience an array of emotions by beating myself up for all the wrongdoings. The real fuckup comes where I understand that existing in this guilt I am actually trapping myself to remain in the same position instead of moving forward. And that makes me very angry. Currently I am experiencing an accumulated anger for what I have allowed in my participation in the mind compromising the physical walking of the process. It’s all about the choices where when making one “wrong” choice it’s easier to fall again and where after a while the falling becomes a norm. And that’s where the consequence comes in; to bring one back to reality.So here I am at the point of consequence where I have even manifested a disease for myself, thus I am sitting here today with a headache, blocked nose and overall uncomfortable experience in my body. The beauty is that this uncomfortability is actually making me aware of my body whereas being and existing comfortably in the mind without much consideration or remembrance about the physical.

I noticed also that this state allows me to connect better with what happens around me. Even watching news I could much better relate to events and the information that was shared. So basically pain and this bodily uncomfortability brings me much closer to reality and because of that I actually grateful for this experience to some virus or bacteria that came into my body to bring me back to awareness.

I find myself asking for the disease to stay and assist me a bit longer because I already anticipate the play out of the pattern based on my past experiences where every time the disease comes I become glad about the experience, I make some necessary corrections in my application and when disease is gone and I am back to a comfortable state of being I start moving backwards, slowly but surely, into my mind so again separating myself more and more from the body, where then again disease has to come to remind me that I have a body, that I am a body and that improper care of the body is basically “death” upon the mind as the mind cannot exist without the body as it is proven over and over again within every bodily disorder – where within that the mind stuff loses all value in the face of pain, or in the face of some other bodily “uncomfortability”.

So just before writing the above I experienced lots of anger at myself for the acceptance and allowance of bad choices and the consequence of these choices that has brought me here. The anger is like saying to me “fuck man, how much longer are you gonna allow the same bullshit to influence your life”. And this angry part of me is actually posing a very good question as IT IS actually the time to make some different decisions; like such decisions that would actually support me to get Real and act for Real and accomplish something Real rather than just spinning invisible webs in the mind trapping myself as basically just a food for the liberation army of viruses and bacteria.

This army is getting stronger, constantly improving in number and especially its defense system. The biggest weapon that we humans had against this army was antibiotics, yet the statistical data already shows clearly that antibiotics are losing more and more battles as the viruses and bacteria have developed the immunity for it. So what that means is that finally the human will be brought down from the castles in the sky (the mind) back to the earth where he really belongs so that the human could stand equally to the blade of grass and in humbleness see what has been caused through extreme ignorance and self-interest and then through self-forgiveness release self from all the guilt that might arise for all this evil past and within that construct and design a new living experience where this time the living mathematical equation doesn’t only include human mind but also all and every other living thing on this planet.

The practical/livable solution is already here – Equal Money System

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One comment on “Day 205: Guilt and Anger

  1. […] 205: Guilt and Anger (arvydasjourney.wordpress.com) […]

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