It’s one thing to write about change and completely different thing to actually live it. My whole life I have been expecting that things will happen to me and that somehow suddenly, unexpectedly I will become who I want to be. I see how I have become a product of our current “quick fix” society where so many things we desire are available at hands reach in a single moment. But that’s not how reality functions – it took me many years to realize this truth by seeing the consequences that I manifested through my own im-practical living.
There are so many examples of how I fooled myself within my life’s choices ending up in regret and often jealousy towards those who made different decisions in their lives and developed the necessary skills to be effective beings in this reality. I saw myself as lagging behind, having wasted my time on absolutely ridiculous distractions. However I STOP myself right here and right now and I remove all the judgments towards myself realizing the stupidity of doing so where I am enslaving and drowning myself further in self-pitty instead of making the necessary corrections before it’s really too late to change anything.
Another point I was looking at when going back in time to see the path I have walked is that in some way it was rather beneficial for my whole process of becoming more aware what the heck is going on here–what I mean is that because my unwillingness to enter the system from a younger age and move in certain, let’s say career direction, gave me the necessary space to view all things in a more critical way where I observed some possible directions that I could go with my life and how these possible choices would affect me, who I would be if I were to choose that or that. Here I observed the people in my environment and I could see the meaninglessness in how they live their lives even when on the outside everything seemed to be perfectly fine. So that made me an outcast who refused to comply with the current system and as solution I was just living a life on the edge searching for a way out.
I couldn’t find any and kept running in circles always coming back to the basics – I need food, I need shelter – I need money to survive and there is no way around that. So I kept living my little existence seeking some cool experiences here and there to keep the little flame of hope burning which was slowly but surely becoming less and less brighter as there was just no way I could figure any of this out. There were moments where I could see rather clearly how I have diminished myself throughout my life by simply choosing to remain this small part of total existence called ME as it apparently gave me the “safety” feeling of the known and familiar. I mean the point was that if I let go of myself as the little personality that I have become it places me immediately into a position of great responsibility for all that is seen now and THAT was just way too scary and terrifying. I could get no rest as I clearly saw that this way of existing cannot continue and needs immediate action – yet I had no idea what to do – thus the only choice that was a “savior” for me in these moments was falling back into my mind and continuing to exist as I did before – on the edge of the accepted system, where I was closing my eyes into existence through my failure to act.
Only after investigating more and more the Desteni material I could finally place the pieces together and understand a little more all my experiences. And that’s what brings me back to the point of willing to become a more effective being in this system – as the realization is clear that any change is possible only through active participation in the system. So it’s the same action of becoming someone in the system as I wrote in the beginning yet the difference is the starting point – why I am doing this? Who I am and how can I contribute in this life for a better future?
I saw that there is a possibility to correct this reality through a group effort and establish new laws that honor life and basically self-honest living – as in the first place the lies and deception that we live day by day is what makes this living experience unbearable. The secret mind is in control while our faces smile and pretend that everything is ok.
Are we still capable to finally admit to ourselves, just through common sense observation that it’s not ok and that real solution is of alarming importance. We need a real cure for this disastrous creation that we designed so far.
If you can hear me – Equal Money Capitalism – is something that can really work in this reality as it is the cure that considers everything and everyone. Investigate and see for yourself – if that is what you would like for yourself as a child coming into this existence.