Day 212: Hard to admit I am wrong

I have spent the last week with a being within whom I observed the pattern of being absolutely resistant to admit any mistake to the extreme where he can argue endlessly justifying his righteousness. So I keep asking myself where in my world and reality I am doing the same as this point is so clearly and so intensely right here in my face. So by observing him and all the ways in how this pattern plays out I was studying the nature of reactions and justifications behind it. One thing I can clearly identify is the existing character of “I know better” or “I can’t be wrong” where within this main justifications to support the character is memory and experience.

Taking the point back to myself I can definitely see how I am existing within this character, especially when and as I am interacting with younger beings in my reality and where the situation or some specific task is something that is similar or the same to that which I experienced/have performed in the past. And so within this the way in which I was doing/performing tasks is seen as the “right” way and the longer I have been doing this task in that specific way the more ingrained it becomes and becomes like the only way to do it where as a consequence it becomes difficult to consider alternatives. From here when somebody makes a comment or tries to explain to me another way, I immediately go into reaction, by all means holding on to my truth, before even investigating another view. Here starts a power game of wanting to sell “my way”. Even though externally it might look that I am listening to another but within me, in my backchat I am already planning how to prove my righteousness and the faultiness of another.

There are of course instances where what I am trying to do is let’s say more effective in relation to physical practical considerations yet the existence of reaction and backchat shows my fall in the face of integrity of life. So in that situation I am already proving myself to be wrong within living application regardless of the “superior” practical aspect of the task involved that I am trying to present.

The realization here is simple – absolute stability, no matter what, is required, where no movement as reaction or thoughts towards another exist. Only here the point can be brought to solution as only in that kind of environment real communication can be established where all parties involved can arrive on common solution. When the reactive energy games begin the actual solution as what is best for is not possible – it’s like a mini war that starts where parties involved gather their artillery of arguments to prove each other wrong and come out as a winner.

I have seen this today within me when working with other beings where at some point I couldn’t agree with a decision that was made by my superior at work. I had within me a reaction with which I haven’t dealt in the moment and so it continued to spiral into more aggressive forms of rivalry. It continued into backchat where I was looking for any arguments to my favor to prove myself right and later it became secret physical actions that went against the decision of my superior. So it’s like really nasty stuff that is happening and in my mind and I mean I really tried to make this event insignificant convincing myself that there is nothing wrong about it. I AM actually right so I had every right to react the way I did. While all the while the whole relationship with others has become schizophrenic where I say and present myself in one way but the thoughts and backchat tell completely different story.

So it’s really amazing how much disgraceful mind fucks are happening when the mind is allowed the freedom to continue without directive intervention. So I am holding myself accountable for all such situations realizing that this cannot continue.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when another makes a comment about my performance where in this I hold the believe that I know better

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accordingly resist intervening in the actions of others to make comments/suggestions even when seeing that improvements can be made

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how this example shows that we as humans are allowing each other the free will to do things “my way” regardless of seeing and realizing that the old way is not necessary a good when considering the bigger picture of reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the way I have always been doing things is the right way and in this try to silence any voice telling me otherwise perceiving the voice as a rival that wants to take away my control

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and participate in the secret mind when I am not able to get “my way” immediately where in this I am “building a case” against another to eventually come out as a winner
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the consequence of this allowance of secret mind within me where in the end I separate myself into various mind alternate realities through which I then manipulate and deceive those around me just to get the last say instead of living here as equal to others and finding solutions that are best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that this whole reality exists within the same patterns where each is trying to sell their way as the only way never considering everything and everyone involved thus creating a disharmony among all parts of existence in the name of self-interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my righteousness based on memory and experience perceiving within this that “I know better” where in this there is no actual investigation and cross-reference to actually test the best possible way that works for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never learn in my life open and transparent communication where I would be able to discuss with another, as equal to myself, the best possible solutions for the task at hand

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger and irritation when somebody claims they “they know better” and who act on their actions without properly communicating about it so that all would be on the same level of understanding

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I am doing exactly the same in my reality when I get the chance and opportunity to do so and within this elevate myself and be proud of myself as apparently being in control

I commit myself to consider all beings within the decisions I make where I make sure that the decision is understood and comprehended equally by all parties involved

When and as I see myself entering a reactive state when seeing another do things differently from what I would have done I stop myself, I take a deep breath and realize that energetic reaction is creating the consequence of division and in that moment I simply move myself to communicate openly about the point to within that see other beings point of view and from here with the total picture of the situation/event I am make the decision that is best for all

I commit myself to stop all reaction when somebody else challenges me within my actions realizing that if I am completely honest within my actions I have nothing to hide and fear and I should be able to explain the point in absolute specificity without any reaction

I commit myself to remain always open for improvement welcoming other beings to comment/provide feedback on my actions and within that establishing equal understanding about what is being done

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