Today I want to look at my experiences at work when interacting with people. Today I had a cool glance at how I have been suppressing myself within communication – this pattern of remaining silent was implemented by me since the day I started my job a couple of years ago. I was advised by my brother to not communicate on the controversial issues, as I did with my brother, with my coworkers as that might create some friction and compromise my position at work. I resisted this advice but still I had to comply knowing the consequences I always used to create.
So in this I had to recreate myself from scratch within this environment, which took rather long time for me to do. The best way to deal with this situation at the time, I found, was to remain quiet and pretend complacency, as did everyone else.
In time this new character I played became who I am, day after day being in the role I simply became the actor forgetting who I am beyond it as I have never allowed myself to really step out of the character and initiate some “real” conversation with people here around me. The problem in this, as I see it now, is that I looked at everything only in term of black and white. I didn’t realize that the previous me that I was before/outside this new character was just another character, which wasn’t allowed now to be expressed in this new place. I have in this only considered one way, my way, how it is possible to arrive at some realizations about the reality/state of this world and thus within that I limited myself from all other ample ways to look at things and ways to reach some common sense with others in my reality.
Now I am becoming more and more aware of the language of mathematics and facts and statistics, basically all that exists here as the undeniable prove where we are, as human, headed towards. And all of this can be easily utilized in simplistic communication showing and revealing what is here.
So today was of the days where I have allowed myself to interact more intensely with other people discussing the matters of our daily existence. Within this I have seen how much I have missed because of unnecessary suppression that I imposed on myself instead of practicing the simple communication. Now I see that this is a skill that needs to be developed where in this one gathers more information and knowledge as the tools with which to construct pathways to arrive at the simplistic realization that real change is required.
Unfortunately I had to see that currently I have no real skills to truly interact with others. There are so many definitions, so many ways of thinking by each person that I absolutely get lost in all this information and end up just listening to what they have to share without making any significant input for the common good. One thing that was predominant in today’s interactions was the speed of how I perceived everything was moving, where in this I was unable to follow people’s words connecting into various sentences with various meanings and so of course within that it’s useless to even talk about any valuable response. I was only collecting bits and pieces of the conversation, building slowly within me the experience of just wanting to get away which I usually did at the first opportunity. Most of the times the biggest barrier was the words that other people were speaking, which I didn’t know and thus I kept losing the whole meaning. I kept responding in general/abstract terms completely unequipped to go into specifics and so deprogram the constructs of people, which in many cases were obviously just delusions of the mind in many forms – like assumptions, greed, self-imitation, speculations etc.
So as a solution I see that this exercise of simply pushing myself to communicate was very supportive, yet also In this from here I have to ensure that I expand my base of knowledge on various world matters as per getting the specifics of how stuff really functions. This will be a training ground to begin my practice of learning to start hearing and understanding others and so in this Myself.
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