I have this ever persisting personality/character that I have accepted myself to be and exist as throughout my life. No matter what would happen in my reality I would always try to find the nice way to approach each situation. Rationalizations were many – like “this way is more efficient and practical”, “you have to do unto another what you want them to do unto you” –this last one is a smart one, and with it I fooled myself rather effectively, where basically I have denied myself the real support from my environment, meaning that there are situations where Right Now you just need a good “scream” from someone for you to actually realize what you are doing where in in this you Hopefully wake up and do something about it.
So I never gave this “gift” to others, I received, but didn’t give and what’s interesting is that in the long term I was always grateful to those who screamed at me and woke me up because I could see that there was no other way I would have understood the point.
One of the reasons I could never make myself do it is because I didn’t want to be rude, unfriendly or appear as a bad person. I preferred being “supportive” character trying to score points for this “goodness” so that people could say – this guy is cool.
Supporting another for REAL and in this scoring a negative attitude towards self was unacceptable to me. So in reality the question arises- can such a person be called benign or caring? I would say NO because the one that truly cares would do anything that is required to be done in the moment to truly assist another, even if that means becoming hated or despised.
It is the Fear that was always the ruler of me. The fear of negativity basically. What was missed by me within this is the fact that we as humans exist as negative beings from the very foundation of who we have become – in this the whole reality is the proof of that. So it’s obvious that avoidance and fear of negativity – is the avoidance and fear of REALITY not dealing with what is real ensures that no solutions can be truly found.
So, when in my world in reality I would come across beings that would represent this point of negativity I was grateful for showing me what is real. Of course most of those beings never had a choice in this as they simply embodied this negativity within them and played it out without any awareness. Still in this the reality could be seen as it was mostly clear that there are no hidden agendas as all was just here in your face. Whereas the “nice guy” is never clear about true intentions, all the activities are happening deep inside the secret mind and all that is presented to the outside world is the positively shaped and designed representation. Watch out for the knife in your back mister.
Surely we cannot now let loose completely our negative nature that we have suppressed in ourselves as that would create absolute mayhem and we would basically cut each other’s throats as we do that in our secret minds where nobody can see us, so we think. Yet it is important to start dealing with it and actually understanding how we create our reality until that negativity that grows within each doesn’t get too powerful and claim total control of our behavior. Now when you read the news every day in the newspaper – what do you think is happening?
So I realize now the importance of growing real guts and so becoming able to face my own negativity and together all the negativity that I face in my world and reality. I see the importance to remain stable and not get lost in fear upon facing the badness of existence. I absolutely begin to realize that there is only one tiny line that is protecting me from facing the true horror of this reality – that is MONEY. And in this I understand that it’s better to face it self-willingly rather than be forced into it unprepared.
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