Day 252: The point of consequence

“I need to experience the consequence to move myself within the process” – that I found rather ingrained within me. What that means is that I am not changing myself until I get myself into real trouble through which as a result I would then force myself to move/change. I can observe this pattern throughout my life – one example I can look back into was my addiction to alcohol. I did not stop drinking, even after clearly seeing all the negative effects it had on my living, until I caused a lot of pain for myself. I had to experience physical harm, financial loss and other negative effects after I could make the decision to stop.

So this pattern is still continuing even now, I still continuing such patterns as laziness, procrastination, addiction to positive energy. It is too obvious by now that participation within these behaviors is really causing stagnation, depression and also an array of other undesirable consequences, yet I am still spinning the wheel to get more consequence that would finally convince me to change and move myself.

This point also manifests within my relationship with other people, especially I can see myself well when I am with my partner as she is the closest person to me. As an example I would have an inner disagreement/judgment/blame towards my partner but I would not address it in the moment but would hide it away, basically in hope that it will all sort out by itself.t rarely does as I see how it accumulates into more thoughts and then finally some physical expression where I just become possessed by these thoughts  and play them out without much control over myself and what I do. Then it’s too late and I stand as usually regretting my actions yet again playing out the pattern of getting the most consequence that would move me into change.

So here I place for myself the question – is it necessary to go through all this or is there another way? And the answer is- of course there is another way and that is to get to some real, actual self-movement and basically become and learn and teach myself to become more specific in dealing with my world and reality which is taking on the various points that I face in the moment and direct them immediately instead of waiting long period to see the consequence play out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I have lived in my reality according to the belief that I can change myself only through consequence rather than finding the strength and discipline within me to take action of prevention

I commit myself to stop this pattern and investigate all the dimensions of where and how I accepted this belief within me and in this remove it through the realization that is absolutely unnecessary to go through manifested consequence in order to make changes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how this accepted pattern was infiltrating and influencing all of my existence and how I justified it by claiming that this is the deep nature of the people from within my origin country where in this I was holding on and playing out this pattern instead of making the decision to no longer allow and accept this to be a part of my existence, especially now that I have seen the pattern and realized how destructive and unnecessary this pattern really is

I commit myself to delete this belief and realize the simplicity of the solution where instead of waiting for consequence I sit down with myself each day and work on all those points that are busy accumulating into the consequence and in working with them I utilize writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements to clean myself and thus create a brighter future without having to go through pain and trouble to get where I want within my process of change

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