I am noticing how much in my writing I am still participating in the mind, or to be more specific, in the “wanting to impress people with it” construct. There is still this desire to be liked by others where this liking is still energy based, in a sense that I would get the satisfaction of my “better” self.
“Better” meaning the one about whom I have imagined and projected myself to be in the future, which is what I am now trying to achieve.
But then some days ago I have listened to an interview, probably from the imagination series on Eqafe, where it was explained how useless it is to try and imagine yourself in the future or try and project yourself there because the whole process we are walking now is definitely leading to the unknown. Basically saying that we have no clue about the potential that exists here awaiting for us to wake up.
From this I also understand that imagination is actually a difficult job, because oh boy how much energy it requires. In my own life at least that encompasses big part of daily thought processes. Which of course is not cool at all, because I cannot ground myself properly into actual unimaginative reality. The imagination always tries to impose aspects upon my reality but it doesn’t work as it is only maybe slightly touching upon reality with little practical consideration.
Thus what remains is to just walk the process in trust, I mean the trust is in ourselves and each other, and one step at a time. As an individual and as a group of like individuals we walk as an agreement to work with actual reality and the matters that matter. As soon as more join us the imagination/fantasy reality will start loosing its veil, and I hope we have enough “surgeons” standing ready with necessary tools to assist the “broken” ones. I couldn’t avoid the word hope here as there is obviously some doubt left in my own ability to stand.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt my ability to stand and be able to dedicate myself fully to this process of standing
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in and as the “giving up” character
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how imagination plays a role in giving up where I create unreasonable expectations which then slowly create the emotion of wanting to give up and as consequence there is no change
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not notice the actual reality that is here when and as participating in the imagination thus remaining in a prolonged ignorance about how stuff really works and how to deal with it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the imagination to make/seem things harder/more complex than they really are where in this again I scare myself into the I give up zone
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to know everything at once, thus be sure of my survival where in this I am using the imagination as a tool
When and as I see myself doubting myself and my ability to stand and keep standing I stop myself to realize where I am now actually participating and what are the consequences of that, and from here I remind myself about the agreement I have with myself and with the group which is to push ourselves and uncover the potentials that exist
When and as I catch myself being sluggish, experiencing heaviness, tiredness because of the “weight” of the giving up character within me I stop myself realizing that continuation down this line has only one end which I choose not to go, thus I focus myself on finding the best practical road on which to put my next step
When and as I see myself creating mountains for myself using imagination I stop myself to realize that I don’t actually know until I have practically/factually proven that to myself, thus I participate in my reality to find things out
When and as I see myself being preoccupied with imagination I stop and breathe, I realize that my imagination is mostly based on energy and thus is not representing reality, thus through breathing I return myself back to face and deal with whatever is here
On being liked
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be liked by others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have attached to “wanting to be liked” positive energetic charge and created dependency within deceptive belief that in this way I increase my value as a human being
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am dividing, separating myself from others by wanting to be liked by others instead of me liking myself
I forgive that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I do not like myself because I know in self-honesty that I am not living a satisfying life where each and every day I could tell myself that I did everything I was able to
When and as I see myself wanting to be liked I stop myself to realize that I am here alone with that power to give this to myself and thus it’s my choice to choose the life that will satisfy me, where in this I can like myself without looking for others to do that for me