Continuation from previous day’s blog: “Day 274: The Energy of Self-pity”
I have noticed also that when being in and as this type of energy there is a feeling as if being in a bubble, a cozy little bubble where no worry exists. There is a feeling of comfort and as there are external means to experience this comfort that’s what I would do, I would lie down comfortably into my bed, roll into a ball and take a comforting daytime nap, forgetting within this all my worries.
After a while I would always start feeling a disturbance, like a big pressure in my body. In the interview it was explained that when one is faced with resistance to let go self-pity and which is experienced as a knot in the stomach area – that’s exactly the time to do some self-forgiveness in order to let got this unsupportive relationship. The relationship as I have already mentioned in my previous blog is hidden deeper, it’s not the energy that’s the core point to address but something else that creates the whole experience. In this self-honesty is the key to assess and define the actual web of relationships and thus be able to disentangle self from it. How do I really create self-pity?
When looking within myself I see that my self-pity comes from the unwillingness to apply myself, I am postponing the real work that I have to do. I know that there are many points in my reality that require my attention and where I have to put extra effort to sort out and stabilize but instead of actually doing it I will find a way to sabotage myself. Like in this one instance failing to follow through with my sleeping pattern commitment and in this I have entered into the magical world of self-pity.
Only by having listened to the interview I became aware of the positive connotation that this energy produces. I mean normally self-pity is just an emotion (negative) yet the positive within it could definitely be felt. It is suggested to have a few questions ready whenever we are experiencing self=pity, like “What physical sensations am I aware of?” “What am I aware of?”” What is energy doing to the physical?”
In this we should definitely be able to feel some form of positive energy that we should be able to define whether it being a comfort, an embrace, security, care or some other word to describe the energy. In my own experience I would the energy “comfort” because it provided me with this ability to relax into the invisible hands that take care of me, where I don’t have to do anything. So this one polarity is mixed with the negative of knowing what the heck is really going on and what I am actually accepting and allowing and what the consequences of this are. Emotionally I am being dragged down, not taking any responsibility to clear up and sort my reality. So these are the two polarities of Self-pity which are designed like a nice shiny trap, just like the fish bait that looks as if it is real.
Still the questions must be asked: “What is the point that’s really holding me to this relationship? Is it the positive feeling of the experience or the negative as the reasons, excuses and justifications that I use to not take responsibility for my world? Do we really believe that we have the time and that it is acceptable to wallow once in a while in this experience of self-pity?
To be continued …