Day 300: Living the Word CARE

Care_MONOI was focused on this Word for some time now and it took me a while to start understanding how to start incorporating it into my own living. I was observing people in my immediate environment to see how they live this word and surely I found some good examples of moments when the word care was lived. From what I observed such moments are mostly expressed within the parent and child relationship, but not always of course, as we know that parenting is not an easy thing and there are many challenging moments in this relationship. Still I have seen so many moments where parents go out of their way to care/tend for their children. Especially when the child is still a baby and needs all the attention all the time. I once was asked to tend to a small baby for a few hours and that was more than enough for me showing again that being a mother is a tremendous job and probably the best school to learn what it means to care for another. In that relationship your personal wants and needs come last after making sure that the baby is fully taken care of. This takes away a lot of what we call “freedom” to do the things to which one was used to throughout their life and that requires a big change and adjustment.

So these where the best examples of what it means to care about and for others, yet I needed something more practical for myself because I wanted to apply this word in my own world with the people I meet on daily basis. I found soon that one important thing to do was to learn to really listen. This is not as easy as it sounds because the mind chatter, the constant self-absorption in my own thoughts was prominent and required a process of learning to slow down within myself which I am still busy with by constantly reminding myself throughout the day to do that. I even asked a few of my friends to assist me by reminding me and use the words “slow down” whenever they see I am getting into a rushing mind state. That works pretty well and we have a frequent laugh about it.

So this brings me one step closer to being able to live the word care and I could definitely notice the difference in my interactions which became much more enjoyable. I became much less judgmental towards people because I could hear and see them better, I started getting small glimpses into who they are and where they come from and essentially why they are the way they are. And I mean people also respond better when a guy next to them is not lost somewhere in his own mind thinking but is able to participate in the conversation with some sense.

Another interesting point I have seen during this time is how CARE must be practiced and applied with awareness in various situations because there are certain moments to which we are so used of doing them in a certain way that we don’t even consider placing/incorporating CARE into them. Let me give an example: I went with a group of friends to play some basketball and as per usual we got ourselves into different teams and began this competitive game. Most of the guys that played there I have never met before and it’s also been a while since I last played which made me put some extra effort into the game. I noticed that the friend I came with was not a good player which made me feel good knowing that I am not the worst player there. Once the game started my friend struggled a lot with his play because, as we have found later, he judged himself to the extreme for being unable to participate with others equally and where in the end he has hurt his finger pretty badly with a ball which, as we realized later as well, was his own creation in order to, by any means, escape this uncomfortable experience. Now you see how many times I have used the word later because during the game I was not consciously aware of any of this and only by looking back I was able to see my absolute self-absorption into my own performance disregarding everything and everyone else. I means it was a competitive game and thus it seems there is no place for CARE in it. This was a good lesson and I am glad that my friend managed to open this point of intense anger and self-judgment towards himself in relation to the game, which I presume assisted his body to deal more effectively with the trauma that he experienced. Still prevention is of course much better way to go and could have been achieved if the word CARE was incorporated into those competitive games as a principle from the very beginning.

So it’s definitely a process to take a word and learn to live it in a variety of situations and also on all LEVELS, because if we take the word CARE it’s much easier to live it towards our loved ones whom we know more intimately, yet when it comes to those far away we are no longer able to relate or connect in any way, yet all our actions and decisions on individual and collective level ripples around the globe and creates the reality that we know. It’s rather obvious that our creation needs some adjustment so let’s do it word by word to make a better world.


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Day 223: Letting go the Rebel Witin Me

This is a continuation from yesterday’s blog Day 222: Why I Rebel against my Parents?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in irritation when and as my mother speaks in a “definitive” tonality asking me to do something where in this my “rebellious” character activates disregarding automatically whatever is said to me

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to not listen, hear and consider the message that my mother speaks to me as I am possessed by the “rebellious” character defending within that the perceived “freedom of choice” I believe I have

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that rebelling against the parts of myself I do not like is not a solution but more like admitting my defeat because of my perceived powerlessness and inability to change the pattern constructively

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel more at ease when and as I am around my family where in this I grant myself the permission to invite automatic behavior patterns instead of remaining aware in each breath no matter where and with who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that whatever patterns I learn at home with my family I later carry that into the outside world without real awareness and consideration as they become so automatic and do play out when I face same or similar situations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my mother for what I have become as it is clearly revealed through my reactions of anger and irritation towards her not realizing within this that it’s just me being angry with myself for not being able to stand in these situation and direct them maturely in a way that’s best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself, after I fully play out this character, defining myself as immature instead of accepting the reality of what I have allowed myself to become and in this construct an effective self-correction process to help me step out of this character before it has a chance to play out

When and as I face my mother or anyone else in my reality using the same “definitive” tonality asking/telling me to do something I stop and I breathe, I ensure that there is no movement within me and no Ego that is trying to claim “freedom of choice” and from here I listen and hear the message that is being spoken to me and thus within this clarity I trust myself being able to find a best for all solution

I commit myself to live maturity as the living application of stability and responsibility within each and every situation in my reality by utilizing breath as the tool to slow and ground myself down

When and as I see myself having missed the living application of stability where I have already entered the “rebellious” character and where the main indications are my raised voice or sometimes a spiteful silence I stop and I breathe, I realize that I do not have to continue in this character and that it’s not too late to stop and admit to myself and others my mistakes and thus correct the situation immediately so preventing any further consequence

I commit myself to stop any and all blame towards my family realizing that it is myself that is allowing all the automatic behaviors to come forward by allowing myself to relax and become “like mother’s child” at home and so I commit myself to start living the real practical example of taking responsibility for every part of my living no matter where and with who I am

Articles To Prevent the Irresponsible Parenting and all Problems flowing from that:

Day 164: Specialness uncovered

Ok so here I am continuing from yesterday where I started looking at specific tonality of my name being spoken by my mother. After spending some more time looking into this I found there are a few different tonalities with slightly different goals that my mother is utilizing when addressing me. In my yesterday’s writing I haven’t yet noticed the difference between the two and so put them both together. Today I want to make that clear distinction between the two.

I’ll start with number one tonality that I mentioned yesterday which is a soft, begging like sound. To put into context this is used when my mother wants me to go somewhere with her, but as most of the time I am busy my mother knows that there is little chance that I will thus utilizes this tonality to manipulate the situation. When hearing it I can already see that I am being manipulated. Seeing through this I still get into the character of feeling sorry for my mother because she looks really sad and disappointed and that she really wants me to go with her. From here I am usually assessing the practical point of whether my presence is practically necessary or not and if not then I usually state that I will not go. My mother usually still keeps the play going and here I have to really tell in a very directive statement that she can stop asking as i will surely not go, yet within me I am feeling sorry for her. Essentially her tactics is working but I just don’t show that to her. So energetically I am still holding the point.

The basic reaction that activates within me upon hearing my name in this tonality is irritation because of that bond that I am aware of but have not yet stopped.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience irritation as resistance when I hear my name spoken in this tonality instead of understanding the whole pattern through first of all putting myself in the shoes of my mother and seeing what exactly it is that she is going through and why she is utilizing this manipulation tactics

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that there is also a part of me that enjoys this attention that I get from my mother which shows me that I am special and she wants to get my attention and spend time with me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how this “special” character is also manifesting within other relationships in my world in a very similar way where within it I keep pushing people away from me thus creating this attraction – polarity playout

So yes it is the “I am special” character that activates in that moment of hearing my name spoken in this tonality. The creation of this character I can see comes from the time where I was still participating in spirituality – raising my vibrations. I was becoming a radiant being – to whom everything and everyone is attracted and wants to be around.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider myself more special than any other being in this existence thus proving to myself how light and love has blinded me from the simplicity of physical reality where each manifestation that is here is equally valuable as life as the dust of the earth and everything else that goes on in the mind is just an illusion as absolute self-interest separating and destroying the unity life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel too proud and special to spend time with other beings that are apparently less than me because they do not understand what i understand and that they do not stand for life as I do and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that my example of practical living as the thoughts and backchat that goes on in my mind in no way proves that I stand for equality of life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I actually enjoy the “begging” and the attention I get from people asking me to spend time with them where as I see now that especially nasty I am towards my grandmother who literally begs me to visit her but I intentionally avoid going there within the believe that she is just not worthy of my company because of the life she has lived and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realizing within that the nature of human preprogramming and that there was very little or no chance for anyone realizing what actually is happening in this reality and thus it is now my responsibility to spread the message to all equally/unconditionally


I commit myself to stop living in my mind creating my own reality and become response-able to what goes on in my world where I realize the responsibility towards each human that I come into contact with

I commit myself to be here within all my interactions with other beings where I stop within that the clock of my mind constantly rushing me to some better place that is “more effective” for the process where I pretend to be always busy even when I am not and so I commit myself to live in self-honesty where I can always see whether I can or cannot spend time with another being and what other responsibilities still have to be done and so if in self-honesty I have time to spend with some family member I do it and when I don’t’ have time I leave confidently and within emotionless stability stating directly my position



Day 108: The responsibility of parents: self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the importance parents play in shaping a child in who he becomes as a charACTer in this reality where we can see from some events as examples in this reality that if a child grows up among cows he will become just like a cow without the ability to speak or act as other humans, or where a child grows with wolves or dogs he will again align
himself to behave as these animals do, and thus we see that a child is completely programmable through the outside influences giving us the responsibility to ensure that we program a child in a way that when he grows up he becomes an adult that honors and respects life above all else thus creating a world of peace and integrity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how each word and deed is absorbed by the child where he takes each fraction of information and imprints it into himself and which starts defining him as who he his/will become in this reality and thus I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for each moment of breath when I am around children within the realization that each of my action has an impact in shaping the future of this reality

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that not only my visible actions are noted and absorbed by the child but that all my feelings and emotions as energetic movements within me are also see and used by the child to learn about his reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that this world we see around us is the mirror of who we are within and without and that who we are has been shaped in childhood years thus within that it is to realize the necessity of a radical change within the approach that we have used so far in educating our children

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being the one who starts implementing the change of showing children how to honor and respect all living beings on earth because there is a belief that this might compromise child’s ability to exist within this system of abuse that thrives on abuse of life and where each who is standing up to say ENOUGH get bullied and eventually withdrawn from the system as being a threat to its survival

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear conflict and resistance of the parent within showing and revealing the complete stupidity and destructiveness of how we currently educate our children

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it is possible to take each action/behavior that we imprint onto our children and show in detailed specificity the future consequences/outcomes of this behavior where even the parent would realize the inevitable necessity of radical change

I commit myself to realize and show the importance that parents play within the development of a child’s life where everything that the child will become is prepared by the parents at home and that this is the place where we have to make the child realize the importance of honoring and caring for life to thus ensure our continuation

I commit myself to study and show the extent to which the child absorbs the information from his external environment where not only words and deeds are copied by the child but also the internal processes as feeling and emotions that those around him experience within themselves and that all this information is used by the child to create the charACTer that he will become in this world and will participate as in shaping the future of this earth

I commit myself to expose this reality and show that which is hidden beyond the pictures we see and within that show that all this is the reflection of how we exist within ourselves and that this thus calls us all for immediate action of correction and that children are the key in that

I commit myself to remove all fear within myself and to thus be able to stand visibly in the face of all parents and demand change in how they bring up their children

I commit myself to be prepared to face parents resistance to change realizing that they know only that which they have programmed as, yet there is common sense that cannot be denied and there is no excuse to continue the obvious abuse that has been going from generation to generation

I commit myself to study the functionality of human behavior with all ins and out where I would be able to take any behavior pattern and show in detailed specificity the consequences/outcomes that this type of behavior will cause in the future and within that show the correction that needs to be implemented to direct life in a way that is best for all

Artwork by Bastian Neumann


For further support:
Lindsay’s Journey to Life – Day 33: Families Failing at Life – Overview

Day 107: The Responsibility of a Parent


I have been observing my little nephew for the last few weeks, it is an amazing opportunity to see and learn about the development process of a small child. He is about 2 years old and is now at the stage where he is forming his language skills. So far it seems he is mainly participating on an energy level where he reacts very specifically to the underlying waves of energy as emotions and feelings that is being played around and towards him.

From what I have seen so far it is rather obvious to note that this small creature is, simply speaking, just a copy machine where he, very quickly, though his detailed observations, mimics the behaviors around him and immediately applies it within his world where he observes the reactions of others towards that behavior.  It was really amazing to see how he is testing his reality looking at the boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not. I have seen so many times already how he likes to stand on the “edge” and see how far he can push the limits of what is allowed and accepted as normal and safe behavior. Putting myself in the shoes of the parent I can see that it is not always easy to direct the child within his behavior where you cannot clearly explain to him the how’s and why’s. In this period it is important to take the necessary time and walk together with him showing him the actions and the consequences of these actions. In other words the parent must be prepared to do the work, be available, be willing, patient and consistent to take each point of the child’s development /learning moment and walk together with him. I mean within these few weeks I have seen and realized the enormous role that parents play in shaping the child as who he is and will become in the future. Parents are the designers working on the establishment of the foundation upon which the child will construct the rest of his life.

So what also is cool about this experience is that I can observe also my mother and how she interacts with the child because within her actions I can see all the programming that I received when I was a child where within that I can notice behavior patterns that are/were a big part of my living. Especially prominent are the action-reward games that are being programmed into the child and where I can definitely see how throughout my life I have lived out this seeking of approval/reward behavior.  And I can see that there is much more to learn. Will continue……..


Very supportive readings:

Lindsey’s Blog:

Day 33: Families Failing at Life – Overview (Read days 33-through 39)


Creation’s Journey To Life:

Day 43: Parenting Patterning Fear and Control

Day 81: The Only Real Character



Day 80: Who I am as the character in the family

When I started questioning all the believes/ideas/perceptions that I existed as in my world it was clear to see how much of who I am is sprouting from the believes/ideas/perceptions of my family. I could see how I shaped myself to be a certain character only based on the knowledge and information that was present in my immediate environment, where the basic foundation of who I am was absorbed in my first years through the example of my parents. So that’s how I was able to start my journey on this earth and be functional in the system where later as I was growing up, slowly through various means I was expanding my character, yet still on the initial foundation that I received at home.

Luckily at some point in time I was able to see and feel the extreme limitation of my existence as only this character. It wasn’t hard to notice how each of my attempts to deviate from my original character that I was brought up as was causing friction in all the other characters in my immediate environment. It was amazing to see how each member within family has a certain function to fulfill – all in the interest of the family itself. One thing that was really impacting me throughout years of observing the life of my family was the attitude towards those who are outside the family and especially those that were less fortunate in this world. I was always very angry with my mother and how she was filtering all my relationships to ensure that I relate only with the “proper” people and whenever her expectations were not met there was friction – I could feel fear resonating from her and that made me angry. As a result of that I can see that later I have developed and interesting character as myself where as this character I gave myself the purpose to become like a UNIFIER where my challenge was to bring people with different backgrounds together and make them friends. I can see that I have played this character quite a lot in my life, but that is a topic for another blog.

So it’s not hard to see how family life functions as a prison where the convicts as family members are constantly and continuously guarding each other to remain within the confinements of the family bubble as the believes/ideas/perceptions – because I mean it’s all that is known and so far it has proven to “work” because the family is still here, surviving and is rather well off within the system. Yet in the meantime the bigger picture of this reality is completely ignored where the facts are right in our eyes showing that this system is not really working at all where more and more families are being destroyed by the ruthlessness of the system and our accepted way of being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist my family because of the judgment I placed upon them of being blind to the bigger picture of this reality not realizing that I am actually judging myself for being blind because if I wasn’t I would not judge/blame/resist others realizing that this only perpetuates the systems that runs on energy which I create through my reactions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when my mother plays her character towards me as being a mother and me being her son not realizing that my resistance indicates that I am still allowing myself to believe in the son character and hold myself as a prisoner to this character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place expectation on my mother for her to stop playing her character instead of realizing that within my ability to see the game that we all play as characters I must take the responsibility to stop myself as the son character and becoming an example of characterlessness proving that it’s completely unnecessary to exist as any character

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to admit that I fear letting go of the son character where this character serves me as a safety system where in case I fuck up within the system I can go back and claim some support as being a son

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I stop playing the son character I will hurt my mother not realizing that I can only hurt a mother character which is not real in the first place – what remains after the characters are destroyed are just beings standing in equality and laughing at the stupidity of what was accepted and allowed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that by deleting our accepted characters we are not becoming less but we are expanding beyond the limited definitions to include all life

I commit myself to show that who we are as characters playing the family game is not real but an illusion that is keeping us enslaved within the confined bubbles in separation from the vastness of life

I commit myself to show how we from the very beginning have accepted our characters as real and why we find it so difficult to see the simplicity of equality of all life

I commit myself to stop my characters and prove that it’s not necessary to have a character to exist in this reality

More on family and how we create our children to be slaves to the system:

Day 79: Stepping out of Character with LOVED ONES

The Family Charade in Character – Day 80

Day 34: Families Failing at Life, Part 1 – First 7 Years (read all 6 parts)

Featured Art Work by Matti Freeman

Day 15: Inflicting Pain in Relationships

Here I am continuing on my relationship patterns to reveal and expose who I was in the past and what I still carry with me into the present so that I could see clearly my mistakes and make sure it’s never ever repeated again.

Another view I want to look at is who I was through my history of relationships since my first long term relationship was over and I got my “freedom” I so desired. As it is usual I went, as everyone else does, through the break up depression which was gradual as me and my partner agreed to have casual sex sessions to make the break up less painful. So that was cool and it really worked where slowly but surely we both went our separate ways. It is amazing when I look now how much pain is experienced during relationship break ups – where there is usually one side that makes the decision as they are more or less over with the relationship, so for them it’s rather easy to make that decision, however the problem is that they do not consider another being at all and what is his/her position and state of mind in that moment. I mean the question that one who is “in control” in that moment can ask is: I am I really that desperate to run for my new energy fix or should I stay and make sure I take responsibility for the consequences that we both created by allowing ourselves to fall in LOVE?

So looking at myself and what I did from that moment is that I never again went into long-term relationships so that I wouldn’t create the attachment that leads to painful break downs. Instead I became hard and senseless being who didn’t allow feelings or ability to care for another but just have instant gratification within sex and be done with that. All my other partners I had since then where short term where I would I have sex once or twice and with first signs of any attachment formation I would flee as far as possible. What I did not realize then or maybe I did in a way is that even then I was causing a lot of pain by making a statement basically that I just used you for a while and now fuck off. I mean I never communicated clearly with another about my true intentions thus letting the believe form that my intentions are good, as I knew within myself that the truth would get me nowhere. I didn’t have many such encounters, I can count them on one hand, but still I suppose that I have seen what I am doing because I remember how during one of my such endeavors I to break up with a girl before having sex with her. She was at complete loss to understand what has happened but I am sure it was better that way. Of course I wasn’t completely honest and didn’t explain my reasons for the break up. However i later found that this has caused some pain to the girl as well. So  whether this was the cause or something else I simply stopped seeking any relationships, I mean I still desired and kind of tried to get sex, but wasn’t really going for it and eventually I just went into pornography and masturbation, unwilling to have anything to do with this hard work called relationships. Little did I know then that this activity is as harmful as any other – I am grateful that Desteni opened my eyes and I was able to see what I was actually doing. From here long and arduous process followed to stop that addiction as well.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider only my dick when entering a relationship where I never considered principles such as trust, or commitment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use and abuse the innocence of other beings to lure them into a trap that I have set to satisfy my desires not considering the pain that I will cause

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide my true intentions of simply using another to satisfy my desires where I never gave a second thought about what that could mean for another being in their current life or in the future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so obsessed with picture presentation of girls whom I used for my self-satisfaction that I became completely blind to who they are as living beings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a coward who never faced the consequences of my actions where each time after I broke the relationship I would simply disappear without any explanation of where I stand leaving another being in the dark

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my actions because apparently I never told any girls about wanting a long-term relationship yet not considering that I never told the truth of my actual intensions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my actions by believing that I live in the moment where I don’t make any plans for the future thus getting the permission by myself to use and abuse another with the consequence of inflicting pain and probably hatred towards males that possibly could cause distorted future relationships and maybe even the whole life

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to ever stop and considered how my each word and deed is affecting other lives

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to ever question the accepted ways of how people from whom I learned as examples enter and break the relationships

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to use my own common sense in seeing how I was participating within relationship and within that finding ways how to correct the damage I have causes and prevent it from happening again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue my participation within this abusive pattern within the desire to score higher numbers of partners that I had

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good and be proud of myself whenever I would use and abuse another girl where I would boast about it to my friends and show them how I don’t give a fuck about the girl anymore

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that my participation within that was very much fueled by my desire to be a winner, just to prove to myself that I am able to do it where sex was my reward

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my evil life of relationships by comparing myself to “more evil” ones and hold the believe that I was the good guy

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that it is possible to actually care for another being and create a supportive relationship with clear communication, respect for self and another

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that it is possible to create a relationship as a space where real beings can come together to express themselves in full trust of each other, without any fear of being vulnerable and open towards each other and where true intimacy can be born

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that it is not necessary to fight or try to win within a relationship but that it’s actually possible to walk as equals supporting each other to learn, expand and grow as real human beings where we get to know our existence and our place within it where me make sure that what we both are having/creating is something that will benefit the future for those who will come to this earth after we leave



I commit myself to stop all judgment to myself based on my past and thus I release my past unconditionally within the commitment that I will investigate and live new ways of relationship formation where I make sure that my relationship that I create stands within this world as an example of how to support each other through effective communication where all card are always laid on the table so that all would be transparent without any secrets that could ruin the trust and ability to be intimate with each other

I commit myself to form my relationship in a way that is aligned with the principles of life where our participation within the relationship reflects the honoring and respect of all life on earth

I commit myself to make my agreement stand in the service of life where no self-interest exists but interest and consideration for all life on earth and this existence and where I am able to pass the principles of this agreement confidently to those who will follow me after I am gone trusting that if I come back to this earth i will be supported unconditionally by those who follow the same principles


Extremely supportive articles on relationship formation: Failed Relationships; Do you Love Breakups?

For more support on personal questions visit Desteni Forum

For stuctured support with personal Buddies that will guide you into becoming the best you can be within your relationship with yourself and another sign for the Agreement Course


Some Supportive Interviews that You just can’t Miss